Would you like to come across as a more outgoing and charismatic person?
If so, then you need to figure out how to be a social butterfly.
I’m about to share with you the exact same process that I teach to our clients in our social skills coaching program.
What You'll Learn In This Post
1. Look More Approachable
Remember, nobody can read your mind.
If you’re wondering how to be a social butterfly, make sure you appear more friendly.
Check out this video if you want to know how to be socially attractive without saying anything.
If you rub people the wrong way, then you’re already swimming against the current.
As the saying goes, you never get a second chance to make a great first impression.
We all make snap judgments of people right away based on what we see.
Think about it.
Would you want to talk to someone who’s slouching, have their arms crossed, and has a frown on their face?
Probably not, right?
That’s why you have to pay attention to how you’re coming across.
Or else you might be pushing people away unintentionally.
In order to appear more friendly, remember to have a more open body language.
Stand up straight, keep your chin up and avoid crossing your arms and legs.
Maintain proper eye contact and have a genuine smile on your face.
By doing so, you’ll come across as more inviting to others.
When you look approachable, more people are going to be inclined to interact with you.
2. Be Curious About Others
Most people who struggle socially tend to ruminate a lot.
They’re stuck in their heads imagining what others might be thinking about them.
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If you want to know how to be a social butterfly, you need to shift your focus.
The best way to do this is to follow your curiosity and put your attention on others.
Give whoever you’re with your full and undivided attention.
Ask yourself what’s so interesting about the person you’re speaking with?
Have a genuine desire to get to know someone and keep the conversation going from that place.
People love talking about themselves anyway so go ahead and let them.
By being interested in others, they’ll be interested in you as well.
3. Educate Yourself
If you’re like most of our clients in our social skills coaching program, you’ve probably spent way too much time acquiring technical skills.
And because of that, you may have neglected to figure out how to improve your conversational skills in the process.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for education to help you advance professionally.
But if you’re willing to invest time and money in your career, why wouldn’t you do the same to help you build relationships with others?
Check out this podcast interview with Max Beaumont, Founder of Potato Chip Communications, where he talks about the importance of soft skills.
To help you get started, I highly encourage you to fill in the knowledge gaps and start educating yourself.
You can read books about it, listen to podcasts or watch videos on how to be more outgoing.
Remember, you talk to people every day.
If you’re socially inept, you’re severely handicapping yourself from living your life to the fullest.
That’s why learning how to put yourself out there is one of the best skills you’ll ever learn.
4. Meet People Strategically
Remember, nothing happens when you don’t leave your house.
If you want to figure out how to be a social butterfly, limit activities that isolate you for too long.
What I recommend you do is to look at your schedule.
And then figure out how to integrate meeting new people on a consistent basis.
For example, instead of reading a book at home, go to a trendy coffee shop.
Join a fitness class instead of working out by yourself.
Have lunch with your co-workers instead of eating alone in your cubicle.
As you can see, learning how to be social as an introvert doesn’t have to be complicated.
You just have to be intentional with how you organize your schedule and the way you spend your time.
5. Ask Deeper Questions
First of all, there’s nothing wrong with making small talk.
At the end of the day, you have to be able to exchange polite pleasantries with someone especially if you just met them.
But if you want to know how to be a social butterfly, you have to be able to get out of small talk and have more meaningful conversations.
Don’t be afraid to go deeper by asking unconventional questions as well.
For example, you can ask what’s a hidden talent that they have or a skill that they wish they could develop.
You can also inquire if money wasn’t an issue, what would they do, and why?
By doing so you’ll prompt people to open up and share more details about themselves.
That way, you can get to know each other better and on a more personal level.
6. Take The Initiative
Don’t you hate it when someone only calls you when they need something?
You only hear from them when they’re asking you to help them move or if they need a ride to the airport?
I know people like that and I try to avoid them at all costs.
Remember, a relationship is like a bank account.
You need to make more deposits than what you withdraw.
If you want to learn how to be a social butterfly, you have to nurture your connections.
Make an effort to add value to their lives.
It could be as simple as giving them advice on something, recommending a book, or hearing them out when they’re having a bad day.
Also, take the initiative to reach out and see how they’re doing.
Give them a call, hit them up on social media, and host events regularly.
I know this sounds like a lot of work but you have to know how to bond with others if you want to build closer friendships.
7. Focus On Your Commonalities
Remember, we like people who are similar to us.
If you want to know how to be a social butterfly, focus on what you have in common.
Explore mutual interests as much as you can.
When someone is able to relate to you, you feel closer to that person immediately, right?
Check out this video if you want to know how to be more talkative and overcome your shyness.
Keep in mind that there are two ways to relate: you can do it logically or emotionally.
For example, let’s say the person you’re talking to works in the same industry as you.
Then, by all means, keep talking about that.
Unfortunately, exploring mutual interests isn’t always that easy.
If it seems like both of you are into different things, then try to relate emotionally.
As human beings, we all have similar feelings that get brought up through different activities.
If an unfamiliar topic comes up, dig deeper and find out their motivation for doing what they do.
A good question to ask is “What got you into that?”
That will encourage the person you’re conversing with to open up more.
And then, try to relate emotionally by mentioning something that made you feel the same way as well.
8. Be A Good Listener
How nice does it feel when you know someone is paying attention to whatever you’re saying?
If you want to learn how to be a social butterfly, practice being a good listener.
Put your phone away, be in the moment and really try to hear where people are coming from.
Also, whatever you do, don’t interrupt them when they’re talking.
Let them finish what they’re saying no matter how excited you are to share something.
I recommend you wait a few seconds before you respond.
Remember, it’s normal to have quiet moments during your conversations.
Don’t rush yourself to fill in the void and just take a moment to let what the other person said sink in.
By doing this, you’ll make whoever you talk to feel special and that’s how you stand out in a good way.
9. Try New Things
I hate to break it to you but if all you do is go to work, go home and play video games on a regular basis, then something needs to change.
Remember, a boring life leads to boring conversations.
Doing the same activities over and over again won’t give you a lot of topics that you can discuss.
If you want to know how to be fun to be around, make an effort to be more adventurous.
I recommend you do novel activities on a regular basis.
For example, you can listen to a new genre of music.
Order something in a restaurant that you normally wouldn’t.
Explore a part of your city that you haven’t been to yet.
Not only will this make your life more exciting, but it’ll also give you more things to discuss with others.
You’ll be able to relate to a wider range of people and you’ll come across as a high-value person as well.
If you’re wondering how to be a social butterfly, make an effort to know a little bit about a lot of things.
10. Give Compliments
If you have something good to say, make sure you say it.
If you want to figure out how to be a social butterfly, see the best in people and be generous with your compliments.
For example, if someone just got a haircut or if you like their outfit that day, make sure you mention it.
But if you want your compliments to stand out, praise people’s efforts instead of their physical appearance.
They’ll appreciate it more because you’re giving them props on something they had to work hard for.
When you give compliments generously, people will feel good around you and they’ll look forward to seeing you again.
If you want to know how to be memorable to others, this is one of the best ways to do it.
11. Don’t Take Things Personally
Most people who struggle socially make everything about them.
When they don’t get a favorable response from others, they automatically assume that they did something wrong.
If you’re wondering how to be a social butterfly, you have to stop taking things so personally.
To reduce your anxiety, put all your focus and energy only on things that you can control.
In this case, it’s up to you to approach someone and try to talk to them.
How they respond isn’t really up to you.
Just know that if you get turned down, they’re rejecting your approach and not you as a person.
The thing is, you just have no idea what’s going on in people’s lives.
I know for me, I’m not in a very social mood if I’m in a funk myself.
Once you’ve done everything that you can, you just have to let things go after that.
The more risks you’re willing to take, the more socially successful you’re going to be.
12. Practice As Much As You Can
Building your social confidence is like a muscle.
The more you use it, the stronger it gets.
If you want to know how to be a social butterfly, you have to practice as much as you can.
I know it sounds obvious but the more you interact with people, the faster you’ll improve your conversational skills.
On the other hand, if you don’t make time to socialize, it’s easy to fall back into your loner habits.
That’s why you have to make an effort to talk to people in your day-to-day life.
Remember, small actions that are taken repeatedly add up to something big eventually.
Once you learn how to be more outgoing, you never have to miss out on opportunities to connect with others.
As a result, you’ll create more meaningful connections in every area of your life.
Conclusion
If you’re wondering how to be memorable in social settings, I just shared with you my best tips.
Feel free to go through them again and implement them as much as you can.
Need More Help?
If you want to become outgoing as a techie introvert, our program might be a fit for you.