If you don’t know how to stop saying the wrong thing, then you’ll have a difficult time building relationship with anybody.
That’s why you need to figure out how to get better at conversation.
Today, I want to share with you the exact same process that I’ve used to communicate more effectively in any situation.
What You'll Learn In This Post
1. Ask For Some Feedback
Personally, I’ve worked with a lot of introverted engineers, programmers, and developers in the past.
Because they’re paid based on their technical skills and they’re not really required to interact with people all that much.
Remember, you don’t know what you don’t know until someone shows you how.
That’s why the first step to changing anything is awareness.
If you’re wondering how to stop saying the wrong thing, you need to get some feedback.
To implement this, ask someone you trust to tell you how you’re coming across during your interactions.
I’m not going to lie, you’re probably going to hear some things that you may not like.
But, if you want to become a people magnet, you need to keep an open mind.
Take the feedback that you received seriously and don’t take anything personally.
The sooner you can fix those mistakes, the more quality connections you’re going to make.
2. Practice Reading Social Cues
If you want to know how to stop saying the wrong thing, you have to be able to read social cues.
As an immigrant, this was something I had to figure out very quickly when I moved to Canada.
Because I grew up in the Philippines and was raised in Saudi Arabia, I was exposed to different cultural norms.
I knew that if I wanted to thrive in a new environment, I have to be able to communicate myself more effectively.
From Shy To Social
Discover proven steps to approach and talk to anybody no matter how shy you are.
To help you get started, I recommend you do some people-watching.
You can go to public places like coffee shops, parks or restaurants.
And then, take the time to observe how everyone interacts with each other.
Look at their body language and their facial expression.
Listen to the words that come out of their mouth and their vocal tonality.
Try to identify the underlying meaning with what they say and how they say it.
Doing so will help you read social cues more accurately, which in turn will make you less awkward.
3. Do Some Research
If you want to learn how to stop saying the wrong thing, you need to prepare ahead of time.
All you have to do is to do a bit of research on a particular gathering that you plan on going to.
Check out this video if you want to know how to stop being shy and introverted.
For example, if you’re going to a conference, look up the speakers.
If you’re attending a house party, learn more about the organizers.
The same ideas apply if you’re going to a networking function.
The more prepared you are, the more comfortable you’ll feel once you get there.
At the very least, try to familiarize yourself with current events.
Find some reputable news websites and bookmark them.
Also, check out their social media accounts before you head out.
That way, you can stay up-to-date with trending topics.
By doing so, you’ll figure out how to relax around people because you know you have something valuable to share.
4. Understand Your Audience
If you want to know how to stop saying the wrong thing, you need to be empathetic.
Take a moment to read the crowd and put yourself in other people’s situations.
For example, just think of the conversation you’ll have with your friends on a night out.
Compare that with whatever you’ll share with your family over dinner.
The thing is, you might think something is hilarious.
But if you’re not catering your stories to your audience, you risk the chance of being offensive.
And that could turn any interaction awkward real fast.
When you piss people off, you risk the chance of ruining your relationships with them and damaging your reputation as well.
When in doubt, take the time to observe the group that you’re a part of and the situation you’re in.
Pay close attention to what everybody else is talking about.
The more you know your audience, the easier it’ll be for you to calibrate whatever you share.
5. Come Up With Stories To Talk About
If you don’t have a lot of experience interacting with people, then you need to think about what you want to say.
If you’re wondering how to stop saying the wrong thing, come up with stories to discuss with others ahead of time.
By doing so, you’ll prevent your mind from going blank and figure out how to avoid awkward silences during your conversations.
If you think about it, similar topics tend to come up in most interactions anyway.
That being said, prepare some stories regarding your work, your upbringing, places you’ve been to, events you’ve attended, and your interests.
I know doing this sounds like a lot of work.
But if you want to know how to improve your conversation skills, really take the time to write these stories.
That way, you’ll be able to come up with things to talk about much faster the next time you interact with someone.
Once you have your stories written out, practice telling them whenever the opportunity presents itself.
For example, feel free to chat with the barista when you get your morning coffee.
Strike up a conversation with the person you share an elevator with.
Initiate an interaction with your driver the next time you take an Uber.
I know it sounds obvious but the more you practice your stories, the better you’ll get at telling them.
6. Avoid Oversharing
In order for people to like you, they have to know you.
In order for them to know you, you have to open up.
If you’re wondering how to relate to people better, don’t be afraid to show people the real you.
Check out this podcast interview with Connor Beaton, Founder of Man Talks, where he talks about how to be vulnerable in relationships.
The thing is, we’ve all experienced hardships and made mistakes in the past.
Embrace your imperfections and feel free to share some of the hardships that you’ve been through.
But there’s a right way and wrong way of doing this.
If you want to learn how to stop saying the wrong thing, you have to find the balance between being vulnerable and oversharing.
My advice is to open up incrementally by sharing a small secret about yourself.
Gauge the other person’s feedback and see how they react.
By doing this, you’ll have more meaningful interactions with people in a way that doesn’t overwhelm them.
7. Always Be Light-Hearted
If you want to figure out how to be better at conversation, avoid discussing anything controversial.
This is especially true, if you’re just meeting someone for the first time or if it’s someone you don’t know much about.
Check out this video if you want to be more outgoing and fun to be around.
Whatever you do, stay away from sensitive topics like religion, politics, sex, and race.
Remember, getting into an argument is a quick way to end any interaction.
If you’re wondering how to keep a conversation going, always be light-hearted.
The thing is, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
It’s inevitable that you’ll talk to someone who sees things differently than you.
And just because both of you have different perspectives on a particular topic doesn’t make them wrong.
To succeed socially, put yourself in other people’s situations and try to see things from their point of view.
In order to build rapport with others, lead the interaction into topics that both of you are interested in.
8. Get Comfortable With Silence
Believe it or not, it’s totally normal to have quiet moments during your interactions.
If you want to know how to stop saying the wrong thing, you have to be able to sit with the silence.
The next time you talk to someone, avoid being so quick to respond when they’re done speaking.
You don’t need to rush yourself to say something just to fill in the void.
Feel free to take a moment to pause and reflect.
Just let what the other person said sink in and use this time to formulate your ideas.
At that point, you can either say something thoughtful back or just ask a follow-up question.
People love talking about themselves anyway so go ahead and let them.
By being okay with having quiet moments, you’ll feel a lot more at ease in any situation.
9. Take The Time To Reflect
Remember, you can’t improve what you don’t measure.
And it’s easy to feel discouraged when it seems like you’re not making any progress.
If you’re wondering how to stop saying the wrong thing, I highly recommend you document your journey.
To help you get started, take the time to reflect whenever you come home from any gathering.
Write down what you did well and what you’re going to do differently for next time.
When you make time to reflect, you can be more strategic with how you go about things.
You’ll be able to manage your expectations better so you don’t feel disappointed.
By journaling about your social interactions, you’ll be able to see how you’re actually doing after a period of time.
Personally, I love re-reading my old notes because it makes me realize how far I’ve come.
I know doing this is tedious, time-consuming, and can make you feel uncomfortable.
But, if you keep this up, it’s inevitable that you’ll figure out how to improve your conversation skills.
10. Change Your Self-Dialogue
Those who struggle socially tend to have such negative self-talk.
Whenever they make a mistake, they speak to themselves in a very demeaning way.
If this sounds like you, avoid doing this at all costs.
If not, you’re going to hold yourself back socially and you’ll never figure out how to put yourself out there.
If you want to know how to stop saying the wrong thing, you need to change your self-dialogue.
Look, nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes.
That’s why you need to give yourself a break whenever you mess something up.
Practice self-compassion and be more encouraging.
Avoid speaking to yourself in a demeaning way.
Remind yourself that you’re doing the best you could with what you know.
If you knew better, you would’ve done things differently, right?
Keep in mind that the relationship you have with yourself will dictate your relationship with others.
That’s why you have to speak to yourself the same way you would to someone you care about.
Be your own cheerleader and encourage yourself more.
By doing so, you’ll be more willing to take risks instead of always playing it safe.
The more courageous you are, the faster you’ll learn how to be more socially confident.
Conclusion
If you’re wondering how to stop saying the wrong thing, I just shared with you my best tips.
Feel free to go through them again and implement them as much as you can.
Need More Help?
If you want to become outgoing as a techie introvert, our program might be a fit for you.