If you’re always avoiding people because your mind goes blank when talking, you’re not alone.
In fact, this is a common problem that I see a lot with our clients in our social skills coaching program.
Today, I’m about to share with you the exact same advice that I give to them so you know this stuff works.
What You'll Learn In This Post
1. Validate Yourself
From what I’ve noticed, those who struggle socially tend to have low self-esteem.
Because they don’t want to be judged by others, they pressure themselves to say the right things all the time.
That’s why they freeze up and they can’t come up with anything to talk about during the interaction.
If this sounds like you, I want to remind you that trying way too hard has the opposite effect.
Instead of people liking you, you end up acting more awkward and giving off a weird vibe.
Check out this podcast interview with Jonny Dupre, Founder of Process Your Potential, where he talks about how to eliminate your limiting beliefs.
If you’re wondering how to get better at conversation, you need to stop trying to impress others.
Just focus on expressing yourself.
Trust that what you have to say is important and that the right people will want to hear you out.
To make this work, you have to learn how to like yourself.
Practice self-compassion and make a conscious effort to think more about your positive traits.
The more you do this, the more you’ll value your opinion.
As a result, you’ll figure out how to be more outspoken when you’re around people.
2. Challenge Your Assumptions
It’s easy to feel tense in social situations when you anticipate failure.
If your mind goes blank when talking all the time, it’s probably because you feel nervous all the time.
In order to figure out how to relax around people, you need to be mindful of your thoughts.
Stop beating yourself up mentally and you have to get good at challenging your assumptions.
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In this case, instead of always thinking people will not like you, why not imagine the best-case scenario?
That could happen too, you know?
When you assume that something will work out for you, then you’ll behave as if it will.
As a result, you’ll come across as more charismatic during your interactions and you’ll build rapport with anybody very quickly.
3. Try New Things
If your mind goes blank when talking, that might be a sign that you’re stuck in a rut.
Think about it.
How can you expect yourself to have interesting things to talk about if you do the same activities over and over again?
If you have nothing else going on for you other than your job, then something needs to change.
Check out this video if you want to become more talkative and not be boring to talk to.
If you’re wondering how to have more things to say, you need to learn new things and expose yourself to novel experiences.
For example, if it’s within your budget, book a trip and travel somewhere you haven’t been to yet.
I highly recommend you educate yourself on a regular basis as well.
Personally, I love listening to audiobooks.
It’s an easy way to consume valuable information while doing mundane tasks.
That way, you can develop a new skill and make the most out of your downtime.
If you’re not sure where to start, just ask yourself what’s something that you’ve always wanted to learn.
By doing these things, you’ll figure out how to relate to people much easier.
4. Embrace Your Quirks
Most individuals who struggle with anxiety worry too much about what people think of them.
To avoid being criticized by others, they remain quiet and just keep to themselves.
If this sounds like you, you need to manage your expectations.
In the same way that you don’t like some people that you talk to, you can’t expect everyone to like you as well.
To succeed socially, you have to learn how to not take things personally.
Embrace your quirks and accept who you are.
Own whatever it is that you’re into and just focus on becoming the best version of yourself.
Remember, there are billions of people in the world.
You don’t need to pretend to be someone that you’re not just to be accepted by others.
The more authentic you are, the faster you’ll figure out how to meet like-minded friends.
5. Do Some Research
It’s normal to feel nervous when you’re unprepared.
If you’re wondering how to be more socially confident, you need to do some research.
If your mind goes blank when talking, make an effort to look into the event or get-together that you plan on attending.
And then, try to anticipate what people might be talking about.
Check out this video if you want to become outgoing and less awkward.
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if you’re going to a conference, a networking event, or a house party.
Topics like work, travel and hobbies will come up for sure.
Use that knowledge to your advantage and think of stories that you can share.
By preparing in advance, you’ll be able to respond confidently the next time those things get brought up.
You won’t get caught off guard because you know how to talk about different areas of your life in a captivating way.
I would also recommend you familiarize yourself with current events.
That way, you can stay up-to-date with trending topics.
Remember, preparation breeds confidence.
That’s why you really need to take the time to come up with things to discuss with others in advance.
By doing so, you’ll feel more at ease in any situation.
6. Ask Open-Ended Questions
The next time your mind goes blank when talking, you need to buy yourself some time.
That way, you can bring yourself back to the present moment and gather your thoughts very quickly.
One of the best ways to do this is to ask more open-ended questions.
Since they require more than a one-word answer, you encourage the person you’re chatting with to keep sharing.
And if you think about it, the more they share, the more information you have to work with, right?
That could trigger other topics that both of you can potentially discuss.
People love talking about themselves anyway so go ahead and let them.
By doing so, you’ll come across as more likeable during your interactions.
By showing genuine interest in others, they’ll be interested in you as well.
7. Stop Filtering Yourself
If you’re wondering how to always have something to talk about, you need to get good at making associations.
Use your environment and the situation that you’re in to help you come up with things that you can discuss with others.
To make this work, you have to be playful, use your imagination and be creative.
Stop filtering yourself and just say the first thing that comes to mind.
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For example, if the painting on the wall made you think of your trip to Italy, then feel free to talk about that.
If someone’s watch reminded you of your favorite uncle, go ahead and mention it.
If the weather that day made you look back on a road trip you did last summer, then tell that story.
Remember, you don’t need to pressure yourself to come up with something clever all the time.
If you’re wondering how to improve your conversation skills, get used to thinking out loud when you’re around people.
By doing so, you’ll figure out how to avoid awkward silences during your interactions.
8. Focus On The Other Person
Remember, your brain can only contain one thought at any given moment.
If your mind goes blank when talking, that means you’re in your head too much.
You’re physically present but mentally, you’re somewhere else.
To prevent this from happening to you, take the focus away from yourself and put it on others instead.
Follow your curiosity and give whoever you’re with your full and undivided attention.
Ask yourself what’s so interesting about the person you’re speaking with?
Have a genuine desire to get to know someone and keep the conversation going from that place.
By doing so, whoever you talk to will feel more seen, heard, and understood.
If you’re wondering how to be memorable in social situations, this is one of the best ways to do it.
9. Sit With The Silence
One of the worst things you can do when your mind goes blank is to make a big deal out of it.
You’ll stress yourself out more and you’ll make the person you’re talking to feel even more uncomfortable.
If you’re wondering how to break awkward silence during your interactions, you just have to own it.
Just say you lost your train of thought and laugh it off.
And then, you can ask the person you’re chatting with what you guys were talking about.
If you remember what you were saying, then continue with that trail of thought and finish telling your story.
If not, then feel free to pivot to another topic.
You can either ask another question or you can bring up something that was discussed earlier.
Believe it not, it’s totally normal to have quiet moments during your interactions.
You just have to sit with the silence and don’t make a big deal out of it.
When you know how to loosen up, it shows others that you’re relaxed and easy going.
You’ll also come across as more relatable because you’re not pressuring yourself to be perfect.
Ironically, the less you care, the more charismatic you’ll come across in any social situation.
10. Have Interactions Regularly
As a social skills coach, I’ve worked with a lot of introverted engineers, programmers, and developers.
Due to the nature of their jobs, they’re usually isolated and by themselves in their apartments.
They sit in front of the computer all day coding and doing other technical things.
If that sounds like you, how can you expect yourself to be more outgoing, if you don’t make time to interact with people?
If your mind goes blank when talking, then you need to keep practicing.
The more you put yourself out there, the more comfortable you’ll feel in social situations.
The best way to do this is to start small and interact with people in easier settings first.
That way, you get some quick wins and build momentum in the right direction.
For example, you can make small talk with the barista when you get your coffee.
Feel free to chit-chat with the cashier at the grocery store.
You can strike up a conversation with the driver the next time you take an Uber.
By taking action consistently, you’ll gain a lot of positive reference experiences.
You’ll prove to yourself that you’re capable and you’ll feel a lot more encouraged to keep taking action.
Remember, nothing great happens overnight.
If you keep showing up and doing the work, it’s inevitable that you’ll become socially savvy.
Conclusion
If you’re wondering what to do when your mind goes blank when talking, I just shared with you my best tips.
Feel free to go through them again and implement them as much as you can.
And now, let’s turn it to you.
Which one of these tips are you going to implement first?
Are you going to challenge your assumptions or do some research?
Send me a message on Instagram and let me know.