As human beings, we all have an innate desire to belong.
Nobody wants to feel like they’re being excluded.
That’s why today, we’re going to talk about how to stop feeling left out.
I’m about to share with you the exact same advice that I teach to our clients in our social skills coaching program.
What You'll Learn In This Post
1. Avoid Making Assumptions
You get exactly what you think about the most.
That’s why you have to be mindful of what you focus on.
If you want to know how to stop feeling left out, have to get good at questioning your assumptions.
Don’t just believe everything that your mind tells you right away.
Whenever you feel bad, that’s a sign that you need to analyze whatever you’re thinking about.
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For example, I had a friend who I didn’t hear from for a long time.
He never picked up my calls or replied to any of my text messages.
To be honest with you, it pissed me off at first.
My mind was focusing on the worst-case scenario and I was starting to make it about me.
Later on, I found out that he had a loved one passed away.
He was going through a grieving period and just wanted some time to be with himself.
Learning about that immediately changed my attitude towards the situation.
That’s why you should always clarify whatever it is that you’re unsure about.
By doing so, you’ll nip things in the bud very quickly and prevent any future arguments.
2. Make Yourself Available
If you’re wondering how to stop feeling left out, you might want to take a look at your schedule.
The thing is, you can say that connecting with others is important to you.
But if you’re always working and turning down invitations from people regularly, then your actions say otherwise, right?
If you want to learn how to bond with others, you have to make it a priority.
Check out this video if you want to know how to have a social life and not feel so lonely.
Remember, we all get the same 24 hours in a day.
How you spend it is up to you.
Keep in mind that building any type of relationship takes time.
That’s why you need to open up your schedule and create space for it.
Remember, you can have anything that you want but you can’t have everything all at once.
If you want to know how to improve your social life, you have to be willing to make some sacrifices.
All the money in the world means nothing if you don’t have anybody to create fun memories with.
If you want to experience more happiness and fulfillment, you need to have great relationships around you.
So make sure you put in the effort and do the work.
3. Acknowledge Your Feelings
Keep in mind that whatever you resist persist.
If you want to figure out how to stop feeling left out, you need to do accept where you’re at.
Acknowledge your feelings and just be okay not being okay.
My advice is to give yourself a bit of time to process your emotions.
Be patient, sit with the feeling and work through whatever is going on internally.
Practice self-compassion and always be kind to yourself.
Remember, emotions come and go.
The last thing you want is to say or do something as a reaction to your negative feelings that you might regret later on.
If you’re not doing it already, I highly recommend you get some writing material and put your thoughts on paper.
Journaling regularly will help you clear your mind.
Personally, it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done to help me feel less anxious.
Not to mention, it’s a lot easier to analyze what’s going on internally when you can actually see whatever it is you’re thinking about.
This will give you the opportunity to look at your situation from different perspectives.
They say insanity is doing the same things over and over again expecting a different result.
By taking the time to reflect, you’ll be able to assess your situation more objectively.
That way, you can be more strategic with how you go about things.
4. Get Some Feedback
You don’t know what you don’t know unless someone shows you how.
If you want to figure out how to stop feeling left out, you need to know how others perceive you.
You might be doing some things unknowingly that are putting people off.
And if you don’t do something about it, that could damage your relationships and ruin your reputation as well.
To help you implement this, the first thing you need to do is to humble yourself.
Ask someone you trust to tell you how they think you’re showing up for others.
I’m not going to lie, you’re probably going to hear some things that you may not like.
But instead of getting defensive, you need to keep an open mind and have a thick skin.
Take the feedback that you received seriously and do your best to implement them as quickly as you can.
The sooner you can fix those mistakes, the more quality connections you’re going to make.
5. Do Something That Makes You Feel Good
Remember, you are in charge of your emotions.
You can change them whenever you want to.
If you want to learn how to stop feeling left out, do something that elevates your mood.
For me, whenever I’m having a bad day, I like to go for a long walk and listen to an audiobook with an uplifting message.
By the time I get home, I’m feeling much better.
The combination of moving my body and hearing something positive really does the trick for me.
It could be different for you.
Maybe it’s doing arts and crafts, listening to music, or watching your favorite movie.
Whatever it is, do something that energizes you and puts you in a good headspace.
Remember, in order to think better, you need to improve the way you feel first.
A clear mind leads to better judgment and a more favorable outcome.
6. Manage Your Expectations
The older we get, the more challenging it is to meet new people and maintain existing relationships.
I know for me, I see less of my friends who now have kids, have busy careers, or have moved to a different city.
And sometimes, you’ll get to a point where you no longer have as many shared interests as you used to have.
If you’re wondering how to stop feeling left out, you need to consistently evaluate your relationships.
People change and that’s totally okay.
You may have outgrown our existing connections and it might be time to find some new ones.
As mentioned before, you need to learn how to not take things personally.
The reality is, you just have no idea what’s going on in people’s lives.
And in some cases, your expectations may not match theirs anymore.
My advice is to just let things be and don’t burn any bridges.
When the time is right and if it’s meant to be, then perhaps you’ll reconnect with each other again in the future.
Until then, make an effort to see the best in others and always wish them well.
7. Follow Up With Friends
From what I’ve noticed, those who have no social life don’t take the initiative to make plans with others.
Instead, they’re always stuck at home waiting for someone to reach out and do something.
If this sounds like you, avoid doing this at all costs.
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If you want to know how to stop feeling left out, be courageous and organize your own thing.
Give people a call, hit them up on social media, and invite them out to do something.
Speaking from experience, my friends always tell me that they appreciate it whenever I take charge and plan an event.
In order to create an active social life, make an effort to be the organizer within your social circle.
Not only will you nurture your existing relationships, you’ll be perceived as a leader in your group as well.
8. Have Difficult Conversations
If you think about it, most arguments occur due to misunderstanding, right?
Not to mention, confronting someone tends to be very uncomfortable that’s why most people avoid it at all costs.
But if you’re wondering how to stop feeling left out, you have to need to be more assertive.
The more willing you are to have difficult conversations, the better your relationships are going to be.
Check out this podcast interview with Doug Noll, Author of De-Escalate, where he talks about how to deal with confrontation when you have anxiety.
Remember, your needs matter so make sure you express them to others.
To communicate effectively, use “I” instead of “you” when you’re explaining yourself.
For example, you can say something like “When I don’t get invited to get-togethers, I feel excluded.”
What you don’t want to say is “I feel disappointed in you because you excluded me from the event.”
Do you see the difference?
Like I said earlier, avoid making any assumptions.
As hard as it may be, do your best to clarify things that you’re unsure about.
By doing so, you’ll make yourself feel better and also improve your connection with those around you.
9. Think Of What’s Good About You
Whatever you feel others feel as well.
If you want people to like you, you have to be able to generate positive emotions within yourself first.
Think about it.
How can you expect others to be drawn to you if you beat yourself up mentally?
If you want to figure out to be fun to be around, you have to be able to validate yourself.
By doing so, you’ll feel more comfortable in your own skin and you won’t seek approval from others.
To help you get started, make a list of what’s good about you and all your previous accomplishments.
When you do this consistently, you’ll start to feel better about who you are.
You’ll realize that you’re someone worth getting to know and that you have a lot to offer in any interaction.
This will help you improve your self-image and raise your self-esteem.
If you’re wondering how to develop a magnetic personality, this is one of the best ways to do it.
10. Put Yourself Out There
It’s easy to feel desperate for friends when you literally don’t have any.
If you want to know how to stop feeling left out, then you can’t keep playing it safe.
At the end of the day, building a social circle is still going to be a number’s game.
The more you go out, the more opportunities you’re going to have to connect with others.
But how do you do that if you’re someone who’s quiet and reserved?
If you identify as an introvert, then you have limited energy to socialize.
To prevent yourself from burning out, you have to be more strategic with how you connect with people.
Check out this video if you want to know how to have a social life as an introvert.
My recommendation is for you to add a social component to things that you already like to do.
For example, instead of reading a book at home, go to a trendy coffee shop.
Sign up for a group fitness class instead of working out by yourself.
If you work from home, join a co-working space so you can meet other professionals who do their job remotely as well.
Do you see how that works?
When you do those things, you can still pursue your interests while meeting like-minded people at the same time.
Conclusion
If you’re wondering how to stop feeling left out, I just shared with you my best tips.
Feel free to go through them again and implement them as much as you can.
And now, let’s turn it to you.
Which one of these tips are you going to implement first?
Are you going to work on developing your sense of humor or on telling good stories?
Send me a message on Instagram and let me know.