If you want to be able to build rapport with others very quickly, then you need to learn how to improve your conversation skills.
And that’s exactly what we’re going to talk about today.
I want to share with you the exact same process that I’ve used to convey my ideas effectively and have more effortless interactions with whoever I talk to.
What You'll Learn In This Post
1. Be Genuinely Interested
Let me ask you a question.
Have you ever talked to someone who you know isn’t fully paying attention to you?
It’s annoying, isn’t it?
If you want to come across as someone memorable, remember to be present during your interactions.
Give whoever you’re with your full and undivided attention.
From Shy To Social
Discover proven steps to approach and talk to anybody no matter how shy you are.
The best way to do this is to view yourself as a student and approach every interaction eager to learn something new.
This will make whoever you talk to feel important and you’re going to stand out in a good way.
When you show people that you’re genuinely interested in them, they will be interested in you as well.
As a result, you’ll be able to create more meaningful connections with others much faster.
2. Speak With Certainty
You’ll have a hard time sounding intelligent if you use a lot of filler words when you speak.
That’s why you have to make a conscious effort to avoid using “um, like, ah, and you know” in your conversations.
Otherwise, whoever’s listening to you will find it hard to focus on what you’re saying.
This usually happens when you’re nervous or when you’re not sure how to respond to something.
In fact, I see this a lot with our clients in our social skills coaching program simply because they don’t have a lot of experience socializing in general.
Not to mention, very few of them have received proper feedback on how they communicate with others.
If this sounds like you, fixing this is actually really simple.
All you have to do is to think of the most common topics that come up in conversation in your day-to-day life.
And then, prepare your stories ahead of time.
If you want to know how to never run out of things to say, this is one of the best ways to do it.
Preparing your stories in advance will help you feel more at ease in any social situation as well.
I know doing this is tedious but if you want to figure out how to be more talkative and less quiet, then make sure you actually do.
3. Pay Attention To Your Surroundings
Making small talk for introverts can be painful.
But if you want to know how to improve your conversational skills, then this is something you need to learn as well.
At the end of the day, you have to be able to exchange polite pleasantries with strangers in order to connect with them.
Check out this podcast interview with Scot McKay, Founder of X & Y Communications, where he talks about how to get out of your head in social situations.
To help you come up with something to say very quickly, pay attention to what’s happening around you.
Use your environment or the situation that you’re in to think of something that you can discuss.
For example, if you just met someone at a conference, get them to tell you how they heard about the event.
If you’re in line to pay for your groceries, you can ask the person in front of you what they’re making for dinner.
You can also ask the bartender for a recommendation for a good drink if you’re sitting at the bar.
Do you see how that works?
The key here is to stop overthinking, avoid filtering yourself, and just say the first thing that comes to mind.
As you can see, making small talk doesn’t have to be complicated if you don’t make it.
4. Appear More Friendly
Let me ask you a question.
Would you want to interact with someone who’s slouching, has their arms crossed, and has a frown on their face?
Probably not, right?
If you ask me, someone who looks like that seems like they’re in a bad mood.
They don’t really look all that inviting.
That’s why you have to pay attention to your body language as well.
Remember, it’s not just what you say but how you say it matters too.
To fix this issue, make sure you stand up straight and put your arms to your side.
Remember to maintain proper eye contact and have a genuine smile on your face.
Since your mind and body are connected, improving your body language will elevate your mood which is a nice added bonus.
5. Be Aware Of Trending Topics
If you want to learn how to improve your conversational skills, staying up-to-date with current events can definitely help you.
When you’re in the know, it’ll be easier for you to relate to people because you have relevant things to say.
Check out this video if you want to become more talkative and not boring to talk to.
That being said, I recommend you bookmark some news websites and follow their social media accounts to be aware of trending topics.
Remember to check them out quickly before you go to any social gathering so the information is top of mind.
When you know that you have something valuable to contribute in any interaction, you’re a lot more likely to approach strangers and start a conversation with them.
As a result, you’ll be able to make the most out of any event that you attend.
6. Always Learn New Things
Remember, a boring life leads to boring conversations.
Doing the same activities over and over again won’t give you a lot of topics that you can discuss with others.
That’s why if all you do is go to work, go home and play video games, then something needs to change.
If you want to know how to not be boring to talk to, you need to do interesting things.
Personally, I try to read a new book every couple of weeks.
I’ve also been taking up singing lessons and I’ve been spending more time in nature which are both new activities for me.
As the saying goes, variety is the spice of life.
Having a routine is great but don’t be afraid to break it every now and then.
By acquiring more knowledge and having unique experiences, you’ll expand your perspective and make you more open-minded.
You’ll be able to connect with different people a lot easier simply because you have more things to talk about.
7. Remember People’s Names
Let me ask you a question.
How awesome does it feel when someone uses your name in conversation?
I know for me, as soon as someone says my name, that person has my immediate attention.
Because I feel acknowledged, I see them in a more favorable light right away.
That’s why I make it a point to use someone’s name when I’m talking to them.
Doing this transformed the quality of my conversations almost instantly.
It made whoever I was talking to feel really valued.
If you’re not doing this right now, I suggest that you implement this right away.
Now, sometimes, you’ll run into a situation where you might forget someone’s name.
If that’s the case, I have a little tip for you.
When you introduce yourself to someone, say their name out loud and spell it out in your head.
Mention it frequently in conversation and associate it with something or someone that you know.
Doing this works well because your brain recalls images much better.
If you can tie in a name with a picture that’s familiar to you, you increase the chances of remembering it.
If you forget, just apologize and ask for their name again.
It’s not that big of a deal, and at least you’re being honest.
8. Slow Down When Talking
People who don’t have a lot of experience socializing feel nervous when they talk to others.
Because they want to avoid having awkward silences during their interactions, they end up speaking way too fast.
If this sounds like you, you need to slow down when talking.
In order to figure out how to improve your conversational skills, pay attention to your delivery as well.
Act as if you have all the time in the world and that what you have to say is important.
Not to mention, it’s normal to have quiet moments during your conversations.
You don’t need to rush yourself when you speak.
Let what the other person said sink in and avoid being so quick to respond when they’re done talking.
If necessary, take a moment to reflect before saying something.
By doing so, you’ll come across as more confident and articulate when you interact with others.
9. Make Intelligent Guesses
At the end of the day, we’re all inherently selfish.
People are more interested in themselves and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
If you want to know how to improve your conversational skills, point out unique details that you notice in others.
You can do this by giving specific compliments and making intelligent guesses.
For example, let’s say you’re talking to someone who’s well-dressed and you want to find out what they do for a living.
Instead of just asking what they do for work, you can say something nice about their outfit.
And then you can inquire if they do anything creative.
Do you see how that works?
If you get it right, they will be very impressed.
If you don’t, then they’ll tell you what they do and then they’ll ask you what made you think they’re creative.
Remember, people love learning about themselves.
Whenever you can, try to make intelligent guesses when you talk to others instead of just asking questions.
10. Look For Things In Common
Remember, we like people who are similar to us.
If you’re wondering how to improve your conversational skills, make an effort to find mutual interests right away.
You can do that by relating to others either logically or emotionally.
For example, let’s say the person you’re talking to works in the same industry as you.
That’s an obvious commonality so definitely take advantage of that.
On the other hand, what do you do if an unfamiliar topic comes up?
From what I’ve noticed, this is where most people who struggle socially get stuck.
If that’s the case, then try to relate emotionally.
You can do this by going deeper and finding out their motivation for doing what they do.
Encourage the person you’re chatting with to open up more.
Pay close attention to what they’re saying and share something that made you feel the same way as well.
At the end of the day, we all have similar feelings that get brought up through different activities.
Keep that in mind the next time you’re trying to connect with someone who may do something different than you.
11. Avoid Getting Into An Argument
The truth is, getting into an argument is a quick way to end any interaction.
That’s why you’ll want to avoid bringing up touchy subjects like religion, politics, sex, and race especially early on during the conversation.
You don’t want to get into a heated debate about something controversial to see whose point of view is right or wrong.
If you want to figure out how to improve your conversational skills, you have to be empathetic.
Make an effort to see every situation from other people’s perspectives.
And just because you don’t agree on something doesn’t make people wrong.
Not everybody will share your views and opinions, and that’s totally okay.
Respect the differences and just agree to disagree.
Again, if you want to know how to be more likeable, stay away from sensitive topics at all costs.
12. Ask More Open Ended-Questions
Remember, the quality of your questions will determine the quality of your interactions.
If you’ve been in situations before where your conversations felt like an interview, then there’s a good chance you were asking closed-ended questions.
These are questions that can be answered with one word.
If you want to know how to improve your conversational skills, I suggest you ask more open-ended questions instead.
Tired Of Feeling Lonely?
If you’re struggling socially and would like some help, let’s connect.
For example, instead of asking “Do you like your job?” you can ask “What do you like most about your job?”
Do you see the difference?
The first question can be answered with a “yes” or “no” while the second one requires more of an explanation.
Doing so encourages the person you’re chatting with to elaborate on their response.
The more information you have to work with, the easier it’ll be for you to know how to keep a conversation going.
13. Learn To Be Funny
When you have a good sense of humor, you can lighten up the mood in any social setting.
As a result, you’ll raise your status in any group because people will feel good when they’re in your company.
Remember, the element of surprise is a big part of figuring out how to make people laugh.
If you want to know how to be witty, try to make correlations with subjects that are seemingly unrelated.
Check out this video if you want to know how to be outgoing and funnier.
To help you get started, what you’ll want to do is to observe the things around you.
And then, ask yourself what else it reminds you of.
By doing this, you train yourself to use your imagination more which will help you think creatively.
You can also take the time to watch more comedy shows.
When you think something is hilarious, ask yourself why.
Just like any skill, learning how to be funny is something that you can develop as well.
You just need to put some effort into it and practice as much as you can.
14. Put The Spotlight On Others
At the end of the day, working hard to reach your goals is definitely something you should be proud of.
But, talking too much about your accomplishments can be a form of overcompensation.
Whenever you brag, it sub-communicates to others that you don’t feel good enough as you are.
Trust me when I say that I’ve met those people, and I do my best to avoid interacting with them.
If you want to deepen your connection when talking to someone, make sure there’s an equal amount of sharing and relating.
Put the spotlight on others and let them shine as well.
The next time you talk to someone, try to remember at least five interesting facts about them.
If not, then you’ve talked about yourself way too much.
15. Keep Practicing
Keep in mind that learning how to improve your conversational skills will not happen overnight.
Everything worthwhile takes time so be patient with yourself.
My recommendation is for you to just focus on the process instead of being attached to the outcome.
In order to build social confidence, practice talking to people in easier settings first.
Put your reps in and make an effort to have interactions regularly throughout your day.
For example, you can ask how the barista is doing when you get your coffee.
Have a casual conversation with the person you share the elevator with.
Feel free to chit-chat with the cashier the next time you buy your groceries.
By taking small and consistent actions, you’ll gain a lot of positive reference experiences over time.
You’ll prove to yourself that talking to strangers isn’t so bad and that it’s actually enjoyable to do so.
Conclusion
If you’re wondering how to improve your conversation skills, I just shared with you my best tips.
Feel free to go through them again and implement them as much as you can.
And now, let’s turn it to you.
Which one of these tips are you going to implement first?
Are you going to work on speaking with certainty or paying attention to your surroundings?
Send me a message on Instagram and let me know.