If you’re frustrated because you never get what you want then you need to learn how to get out of your comfort zone socially.
Today, I’m about to share with you the exact same process that I’ve used to figure out how to meet like-minded friends as an adult.
What You'll Learn In This Post
What Is A Comfort Zone?
A comfort zone is basically a mental or physical state that you’re familiar with.
And because of that, you experience low levels of stress and anxiety.
For example, if you’re someone who tends to stick to a routine, then everything becomes predictable and it requires minimal effort from you.
As a result, a lot of people prefer to stay in this situation because it feels safe because there’s very little risk.
From what I’ve noticed, this becomes an issue when you become so comfortable and you end up getting stuck in a rut.
Why Is It Hard To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone?
Speaking from experience, stepping outside of your comfort zone is hard due to the following reasons:
1. Fear Of The Unknown
It’s normal to be afraid of things that you’re not familiar with.
For example, if you don’t know how to interact with people, then that can feel pretty intimidating, right?
That’s why it’s easy to just keep to yourself instead of taking risks.
2. Fear Of Failure
Doing things that you’ve never done before can be nerve-wracking since you’re exposing yourself to novel circumstances.
For example, because I never learned how to be less self-conscious, I avoided talking to strangers to avoid embarrassing myself.
I was terrified of getting rejected and potentially being criticized by those around me.
3. Lack Of Confidence
As someone who used to be socially inept, I isolated myself for so long because I didn’t have the beliefs and skills to perform well in unfamiliar social situations.
But in order to figure out how to be more socially confident, you’re going to feel fear, stress, and anxiety.
And the reality is, you’re not really going to grow if you’re not willing to experience some unpleasant emotions every now and then.
4. Feeling Too Comfortable
As human beings, we tend to be creatures of habit.
That’s why breaking your regular routine can be difficult since you’ll lose that sense of security and predictability.
Not to mention, if you don’t have a compelling reason to change things up, you may be less inclined to do so.
5. Pressure To Conform
Stepping outside of your comfort zone means you have to do things differently.
That can be challenging for some people since most of us crave a sense of belongingness.
That’s why change can be discouraging since we may not get validation from others.
Benefits Of Getting Outside Of Your Comfort Zone
Stepping outside of your comfort zone has a ton of benefits.
Let me share with you the main ones that I’ve personally experienced:
1. Higher Self-Esteem
When you overcome new challenges over and over again, you start to feel more capable.
You get to see what you’re made of which leads to personal growth and development.
This will improve the way you see yourself and also increase your self-esteem.
2. Enhanced Critical Thinking
When you venture into the unknown consistently, you’re going to have to get good at figuring things out.
That means you have to become more resourceful and also think creatively.
As a result, you’ll train your brain to come up with innovative solutions to overcome your obstacles.
3. Increased Versatility
Doing things that are challenging for you means you have to expand your perspective and develop new skills.
For example, if you want to figure out how to be more outgoing, you have to overcome approach anxiety, become more talkative, and participate in a group conversation as well.
By doing so, you’ll become more adaptable and you won’t be so afraid of unfamiliar social situations.
4. More Opportunities
The more you face your fears, the more doors will open up for you in every area of your life.
Speaking from experience, I know this to be true.
Because I was willing to do things that terrify me, I’ve been able to attract a quality partner, connect with high-level individuals, and grow professionally at a rapid rate.
5. More Fulfillment
Stepping outside of your comfort zone will certainly reduce your anxiety which can feel extremely empowering.
Not to mention, when you know you can get things that you want if you set your mind to it, you’ll have a higher sense of satisfaction.
I know for me, the quality of my life has improved and I feel happier as a person ever since I developed my social courage.
How Do I Step Outside Of My Social Comfort Zone?
1. Stop Making Assumptions
How often have you talked yourself out of wanting to go out or connect with someone that you’re interested in?
If you do that all the time, what do you think is going to happen?
I can assure you that you won’t have as many meaningful relationships in your life as you would like to.
How do I know?
Because I’ve been there myself.
As someone who used to be socially anxious, I can relate to you.
In fact, I remember being so shy back in high school that I ate my lunch in a bathroom stall.
I was so terrified of interacting with people that I did everything that I could to avoid it.
I spent a lot of time alone not because I wanted to.
It’s because I was ruminating so much.
That’s why I ended up just staying in all the time.
I was so concerned about what people might think of me so I figured it would be better to just keep to myself.
As a result, I didn’t have any friends and my dating life was also non-existent.
At that point, I realized that if things kept going the way they did, I was going to end up with a lot of regrets.
That being said, if you want to know how to get out of your comfort zone socially, you have to get good at challenging your assumptions.
Question your thoughts and don’t just believe them right away.
By doing so, you’ll realize that nothing is ever as bad as you make it out to be.
As a result, you’ll feel less nervous which will help you take more risks socially.
2. Come Up With Things To Share
When I was younger, I was conditioned to focus on my academics above everything else.
I was told repeatedly by my elders to go to school and get a degree.
That way, I can land a high-paying job and make a lot of money.
And when that happens, I’ll be considered successful by others and I’ll be set for life.
So that’s exactly what I did.
I traded parties for libraries and just kept my head down to study.
While everybody else was having fun, I just focused on going to school and getting good grades.
And then right after I graduated, I got a high-paying job almost immediately.
I ended up working as a structural designer for a prestigious engineering company.
I had a good salary and had full benefits as well.
So far, I’ve checked off all the boxes and did everything that I was supposed to do.
I was making good money, I was considered successful by others and I should be set for life, right?
But then I realized something.
I still felt unhappy.
Even though I was doing well in my career, I was doing poorly in my personal life.
That’s when I realized that I’d spent way too much time acquiring technical skills.
I had no idea how to attract people because I never paid attention to my ability to communicate with others.
In fact, I see this issue a lot with our clients in our social skills coaching program.
Most of them have had a similar upbringing as myself.
They also work in isolation all day and are paid to think analytically.
As a result, they find it difficult to socialize with people because they lack awareness and experience in doing so.
If you can relate to that and you want to figure out how to get out of your comfort zone socially, you need to prepare ahead of time.
Before you attend any event or gathering, brainstorm some stories that you can potentially share.
Check out this video if you want to know how to be talkative as an introvert.
When you know what to discuss with others, you’ll feel a lot more at ease during your interactions.
This will free up your mind to just pay attention to whoever you’re talking to.
Again, make an effort to put together some stories to discuss different areas of your life.
Come up with some interesting ways to talk about your work, your upbringing, places you’ve been to, events you’ve attended, and your interests.
You can also stay up-to-date with trending topics as well.
If you’re willing to, try recording yourself telling these stories so you can improve your delivery.
That way, you’ll be able to observe your body language and hear how you sound.
This will help you make the necessary adjustments before you go out and socialize with others.
The more prepared you are, the more confident you’ll be interacting with anybody.
3. Face Your Fears
Back in 2008, I got laid off from my engineering job because of the recession.
It was definitely a bittersweet experience for me.
On one hand, I was sad.
I was definitely going to miss my paycheck and all the things that I was able to afford because of it.
On the other hand, I was happy as well.
I have the opportunity to start fresh and try something new.
While I was exploring my options, I ended up working as a server in a restaurant.
That way, I have some money coming in and I don’t use up all my savings.
Looking back now, it was one of the best jobs that I ever had when I was younger.
Not only was it fun, it also helped me overcome my shyness and break out of my shell.
Because my tips were heavily reliant on how likeable I was, I had no choice but to improve my social skills very quickly.
And even though it was scary at first, I was definitely glad that I had that experience.
I was able to prove to myself that I’m capable of connecting with people if I actually worked on it.
That being said, if you want to turn shyness into confidence, you need to learn how to get out of your comfort zone socially.
The only way you’ll develop your courage is by confronting your fears.
Check out this video if you want to know how to be talkative with anyone without fear.
By exposing yourself to whatever it is that scares you, it becomes less intimidating.
You’ll realize that it’s not as bad as you may have assumed.
That’s why whatever you do, avoid activities that isolate you for too long.
If you want to improve socially, I highly recommend you cut back on watching television and playing video games.
Instead, make an effort to have interactions regularly throughout your day.
The more you do, the faster you’ll become more socially confident.
For example, you can make small talk with the barista the next time you get your coffee.
Feel free to chat with the cashier at the grocery store.
You can strike up a conversation with your driver the next time you take an Uber.
By taking action consistently, you’ll gain lots of positive reference experiences.
You’ll realize that most people are actually pretty open and friendly which lessens your social anxiety.
If you keep this up, you’ll develop your social confidence and become more outgoing.
As a result, you’ll create an active social life and build quality relationships with others.
4. Start Meditating
As someone who used to be socially anxious, I had a bad habit of ruminating too much.
I was always in my head overanalyzing everything.
That’s why I felt so tense in social situations.
I also had a lot of awkward silence during my interactions because my mind would blank out all the time.
Frustrated with what’s happening, that’s when I decided to try meditating.
At first, I was skeptical about it because it seemed strange.
But the more I did it, the more I realized how beneficial it was.
That being said, if you want to turn social anxiety into confidence, I highly encourage you to start meditating as well.
All you have to do is to pick a quiet spot in your place.
And then, sit in a comfortable position.
Close your eyes and just focus on your breathing for a few minutes.
Count to three when you breathe in your nose and count to three again when you breathe out of your mouth.
Check out this podcast interview with Anita Kozlowski, Founder of Live With Power Training Institute, where she talks about how to overcome mental barriers in communication.
Empty your mind and whenever a thought comes up, just observe it without any judgment.
Just imagine how you would pay attention to the vehicles on a busy road.
That’s exactly how you’ll want to treat your thoughts.
Just watch them come and go without feeling the need to react to any of them.
By meditating regularly, you’ll be able to control the way you think.
You’ll train your brain to slow down instead of just letting it run on autopilot.
That way, you can separate yourself from whatever it is that you’re thinking about.
By doing so, you can choose what to focus on which will help you manage your emotions better.
This will help you feel more relaxed in any situation and you’ll come across as more charismatic to others.
5. Write Down Your Thoughts
On top of being short, I used to be overweight as a teenager.
At my heaviest, I tipped the scale at 200 lbs and had a 36-inch waist.
That’s why I hated being myself.
I used to wish that I was somebody else.
In fact, back then, I just felt like such a total loser.
And because I focused on flaws so much, I conditioned my mind to think poorly of myself.
That’s why I had such low self-esteem.
Fast forward to today, that’s no longer the case.
I like myself and feel more comfortable in my own skin.
And if there’s one thing that I did that helped me feel more confident, it’s when I started journaling regularly.
In fact, if I didn’t do it, I’d probably be in the exact same situation as before.
From what I’ve noticed, those who experience a great deal of anxiety keep everything in their heads.
That’s why they always feel overwhelmed because they can sort out what they’re thinking about.
That was definitely the case for me.
But all of that changed when I started putting my thoughts on paper.
Because I could actually see what was in my head, I found it much easier to analyze what was going on internally.
If you want to stop overthinking all the time, make it a habit of writing down your concerns.
By doing so, you can take a look at whatever’s making you feel anxious more strategically.
That’s why journaling is very therapeutic.
When you free up your mind, you’ll be able to think better and explore potential solutions to your problems.
That way, you can create a specific game plan to improve your situation.
Conclusion
If you’re wondering how to get out of your comfort zone socially, I just gave you my best tips.
Feel free to go through them again and implement them as much as you can.
And now, let’s turn it to you.
Which one of these tips are you going to implement first?
Are you going to stop making assumptions or work on facing your fears?
Send me a message on Instagram and let me know.