As a former shy guy, I was socially inept earlier in my life.
In fact, my anxiety was so bad back in high school that I ate my lunch in a bathroom stall.
I spent a lot of time alone because I had no idea how to be more outgoing.
Frustrated with my situation, I made a decision to do something about it.
Today, I want to share with you the exact same process that I’ve used to become socially adept and create more quality connections.
What Does Socially Inept Mean?
If you lack awareness and experience when it comes to interacting with people, then you might be socially inept.
In our social skills coaching program, we’ve worked with a lot of engineers, programmers, and developers in the past.
Since they’re paid based on their technical expertise, they spend a lot of time in isolation.
It’s not uncommon for them to sit in front of the computer all day.
Most of them struggle to connect with others simply because nobody taught them how.
How Do I Know If I’m Socially Inept?
Based on my experience, here are some of the most common things that I’ve seen:
- You’re always in your head ruminating and you don’t know how to stop thinking about the past.
- You tend to avoid going to social gatherings because you feel uncomfortable around people.
- You have this nagging feeling that others are avoiding you and you’re not really sure why.
- You don’t know how to calibrate your sense of humor and you offend others unintentionally when you make a joke.
- You have awkward silences in your interactions and you’re unaware of how to keep a conversation going.
How Do I Stop Being Socially Inept
Figuring out how to be more socially confident is similar to playing a new sport or learning a different kind of instrument
You just need the right plan, enough practice, and expert guidance.
That being said, here are 10 actionable tips that you can implement right away.
Alright, let’s get into it.
What You'll Learn In This Post
1. Educate Yourself
If you’re like most of our clients in our social skills coaching program, you’ve probably spent way too much time acquiring technical skills.
And because of that, you may have neglected to figure out how to improve your conversation skills in the process.
Check out this video if you want to know 15 ways to develop social skills as an introvert.
To help you get started, I highly encourage you to fill in the knowledge gaps and start educating yourself.
You can read books, listen to podcasts, or watch videos on this topic.
But if you want to get results much faster, consider working with a social skills coach.
That way, you’ll have someone give you specific feedback and keep you accountable as well.
Fast-track your social success by learning from someone who’s been in your situation and has the results that you want.
You’ll see progress very quickly than doing things on your own.
Whether you like it or not, you can’t really avoid interacting with people.
If you’re socially inept, you’re severely handicapping yourself from living your life to the fullest.
That’s why learning how to put yourself out there is one of the best skills you can ever develop.
2. Stop Trying So Hard
If you’re having a tough time speaking up, it’s probably because you’re afraid of being judged by others.
You don’t value your opinion and you’re too concerned about what people think of you.
If you don’t believe that what you have to say is good enough, then you’re just going to keep to yourself.
That being said, in order to overcome being socially inept, you have to know how to relax around people.
When you remove any attachment to the outcome, you’ll be able to allow your true personality to shine through.
From Shy To Social
Discover proven steps to approach and talk to anybody no matter how shy you are.
The next time you’re at a social gathering, let loose and just enjoy yourself.
Remember, trying way too hard can backfire on you.
When you put enormous pressure on yourself to make something happen, you end up coming across as more awkward.
The reality is, it doesn’t matter who you are and what you do.
There’s no way you’ll be able to get along with everybody so don’t even try.
Just focus on becoming the best version of yourself.
And then, find others who will like you for who you are.
3. Think Of What’s Good About You
Most people who are shy often feel like they’re not good enough.
They compare themselves unfavorably to others and they talk to themselves in a very demeaning way.
If that sounds like you, let me ask you a question.
How can you expect people to like you if you don’t even like yourself?
Check out this podcast interview with Aaron Marino, Founder of Alpha M Image Consulting, where he talks about how to become an alpha male.
The best way that I know to feel good about who you are is to focus on your positive traits and previous wins.
Highlight your strengths by making a list of what’s good about you and all the things that you’ve accomplished so far.
By doing so, you’ll realize that you’re not doing as bad as you may have assumed.
As a result, you’ll feel less intimidated by others and you’ll feel comfortable in your own skin.
4. Come Up With Stories
If you don’t know how to avoid awkward silences in your conversations, you need to do some preparation.
That way, you’ll have a good idea of what to say the next time you interact with someone.
If you think about it, most people tend to discuss similar topics over and over again anyway.
In order to figure out how to be more talkative, come up with some stories in advance.
Think of interesting ways to discuss your work, your upbringing, places you’ve been to, events you’ve attended, and your interests.
I know it doing this sounds like a lot of work but really put in the effort to write these stories out.
When you do, you’ll feel more confident talking to anybody.
If you’re willing to, I highly recommend that you record yourself telling these stories as well.
That way, you can make the necessary changes in your tonality and delivery before you go out and socialize.
5. Imagine Things Going Well
Your mind and body are interconnected.
When you change one the other follows.
From what I’ve noticed, those who are socially inept tend to have an exaggerated idea of what failure looks like.
They focus on it so much that it cripples them from taking action.
Remember, in any interaction, things can either go well or not.
But instead of just thinking about the worst-case scenario, why not imagine the best-case scenario as well?
That could happen too, you know?
When you expect good things to happen to you, then you’ll behave as if it will.
As a result, you’ll come across as more likeable to others and be able to build rapport with them very quickly.
6. Make Small Improvements
It’s easy to get stuck in analysis paralysis when you overthink everything.
To prevent that from happening to you, I recommend you lower the bar and set small goals first.
Figure out how to get better at conversation one skill at a time.
For example, if you’re a total beginner, just try to make eye contact and smile at strangers.
After that, say hello and do some small talk.
Once you’re comfortable doing that, see if you can hold a longer conversation and figure out how to make people laugh.
Do you see how that works?
What you’ll want to do is to learn things systematically.
Begin with something easy and keep doing it until you get good at it.
And then, you can move on to the next thing until you reach your goals.
Improving gradually is how you keep making progress and stay on track.
If you keep this up, it’s inevitable that you’ll succeed socially.
7. Be Interested In Others
The truth is, we’re all inherently selfish.
That’s why we tend to like those who also like us.
If you want to become an interesting person, you need to be interested in other people first.
Check out this video if you want to know how to be likeable as an introvert.
That being said, the next time you talk to someone, put your phone away and be present.
Give them your undivided attention and be curious about them.
View yourself as a student, keep an open mind and see what you can learn from them.
Listen attentively and ask follow-up questions as well.
If you do those things, you’ll make whoever you interact with feel special.
They’ll have a good impression of you and they’ll look forward to seeing you again.
8. Look For Things In Common
Have you ever met someone you instantly got along with?
It’s probably because you had a lot of things in common with that person, right?
Remember, familiarity builds comfort very quickly so explore as many mutual interests as you can.
If you want to have more effortless conversations, make it easy for people to talk to you.
You can do this by volunteering information about yourself.
Tired Of Feeling Lonely?
If you’re struggling socially and would like some help, let’s connect.
For example, work is a pretty common thing to talk about.
When someone asks you what you do, don’t just give them a one-word answer.
Volunteering information about yourself is one of the best things you can do to avoid awkward silences.
That being said, talk about what got you into what you do, why you like it, and how certain aspects of your job make you feel.
The more details you share, the faster you’ll be able to find commonalities with anyone you talk to.
Doing so will trigger other topics that both of you can discuss which makes it easy to maintain the conversation.
9. Study Charismatic People
As the saying goes, success leaves clues and all you have to do is follow them.
If you want to know how to stop being socially inept, take the time to study charismatic people.
Observe them by paying attention to how they think and how they do things.
Be around them as much as you can and aspire to emulate them.
Remember, you become the average of the people you spend time with.
That’s why you have to be mindful of the company you keep.
Eventually, their beliefs and behaviors will rub off on you.
When you start to think and act like someone who’s socially confident, it’s only a matter of time until you become outgoing as well.
10. Don’t Be Discouraged
Everything worthwhile takes time so be patient with yourself.
If you’ve been struggling socially for a while now, you can’t expect immediate results.
It’s unrealistic and you’re setting yourself up to be disappointed.
That’s why it’s important that you’re able to manage your expectations.
So stop looking for quick-fix solutions because they don’t exist.
Just know that small actions taken consistently add up to something big in the future.
You can’t expect yourself to get things right immediately because you’re guaranteed to make mistakes.
Just know that you’ll improve your communication skills eventually if you don’t quit.
When you mess something up, watch out for your negative self-talk and reframe it to something more encouraging.
Always be easy on yourself.
Have some self-compassion and don’t beat yourself up.
Remind yourself that you’re doing the best you could with what you know.
To help you stay motivated, remember to connect with the emotions behind your goals.
Make a conscious effort to focus on what you want and why you want it.
Doing this will help you keep going even when things become more challenging.
Conclusion
If you’re wondering how to not be socially inept, I just shared with you my best tips.
Feel free to go through them again and implement them as much as you can.
And now, let’s turn it to you.
Which one of these tips are you going to implement first?
Are you going to educate yourself or study charismatic people?
Send me a message on Instagram and let me know.