Life can get pretty lonely if you have difficulty maintaining friendships.
Today, we’re going to talk about the main reasons why and what to do about it.
This is the exact same advice that I teach to our clients in our social skills coaching program so pay close attention.
What You'll Learn In This Post
Why Making Friends Is Difficult For You
The reason why making friends is difficult for you is because you care too much about what people think.
As a result, you take things so personally and make everything about you.
This prevents you from putting yourself out there consistently and acting like yourself in social situations.
How Do Introverts Make Friends
If you’re wondering how to make friends as an introvert, one of the best ways to do it is to do more things that you enjoy.
And then, meet people along the way.
When you add a social component to your passions, hobbies, and interests, you’ll get to connect with more like-minded individuals a lot faster.
You’ll also make the whole process of figuring out how to have a social life a lot more enjoyable.
Reasons Why It Can Be Hard To Make Friends
1. You’re Too Negative
I don’t know about you but I can’t stand being around someone who complains all the time.
They’re emotionally draining to be around so I do my best to stay away from people like that.
Remember, whatever you feel, others feel as well.
That’s why you have to be able to manage your emotions.
One of the best ways to do this is to adopt a mindfulness practice.
Every morning, spend a few minutes meditating.
Just close your eyes, focus on your breathing, and pay attention to your thoughts without any judgment.
I would also recommend you start journaling.
Take some time out of your day to empty your mind and write down whatever you’re thinking about.
It’s easy to be more objective when you can see your thoughts on paper.
By doing these things regularly, you’ll become less reactive, especially during stressful situations.
As a result, people will feel more comfortable in your presence and you’ll become more fun to be around.
2. You Can’t Hold A Conversation
You’ll have a hard time building rapport with others if you don’t know how to keep a conversation going.
People will feel uncomfortable when you’re around which might cause them to avoid spending time with you.
Over time, this can negatively impact your self-esteem and you’ll be less likely to put yourself out there.
To help you figure out how to improve your conversation skills, avoid giving short responses during your interactions.
This makes it hard for anybody to keep talking to you because they don’t have a lot to work with.
Instead, make an effort to share more details about yourself.
For example, let’s say you’re a software engineer and someone’s wondering what you do for work.
Feel free to talk about what got you into your career, what you like about it, and how it makes you feel.
By doing so, you’ll come across as a more engaging conversationalist.
Not only that but you’ll also trigger other topics that you could potentially discuss with others.
When you know how to express yourself verbally, you’ll create more quality connections with others much faster.
3. You Have Social Anxiety
Those who have difficulty maintaining friendships tend to overthink things.
Like I said earlier, they’re always in their heads worried about other people’s opinions.
As a result, they find it hard to relax around people which causes them to stifle their personalities.
Check out this video if you want to know how to be outgoing if you have social anxiety.
If this sounds like you, I want to remind you that nobody is noticing you as much as you might assume.
Everyone’s too focused on themselves to begin with.
They don’t have time to worry about you.
If you’re wondering how to be less self-conscious, you need to shift your focus.
Get out of your head and put your attention on others instead.
Follow your curiosity and ask yourself what’s so interesting about the person you’re speaking with.
Have a genuine desire to get to know them and keep the conversation going from that place.
People love talking about themselves anyway so go ahead and let them.
By showing genuine interest in others, you’ll come across as someone charismatic as well.
They’ll leave the interaction with a positive impression of you and they’ll look forward to seeing you again.
4. You’ve Outgrown Your Friends
Remember, mutual interest is the foundation of every great relationship.
Isn’t it so much easier to spend time with someone who enjoys the same thing as you?
But what do you do when your friends’ lifestyle changes and you no longer have similar interests?
From Shy To Social
Discover proven steps to approach and talk to anybody no matter how shy you are.
I know for me, I see less of my friends who now have kids, have busy careers, or have moved to a different city.
Unfortunately, that’s just how it is.
That’s why you have to put in the effort to go out and meet new people consistently.
At the end of the day, learning how to build a social circle is still going to be a number’s game.
The more you go out, the more abundant your social life is going to be.
5. You Don’t Initiate
If you want lifelong friendships, then you need to be willing to put in the effort to nurture your connections.
The easiest way to do this is to make a list of new acquaintances and people that you already know.
And then take the time to reach out to them on a regular basis.
Check-in to see how they’re doing and make plans to hang out.
Personally, I love getting random messages from my friends out of the blue.
It makes me feel special because I know that someone out there was thinking about me.
If you want to know how to be more likeable, try to be more thoughtful.
Take the initiative to reach out to others.
As you can see, doing this doesn’t have to be anything complicated.
It could be as simple as sending someone a text or better yet, giving them a call.
And then, you can schedule time to go for a walk, get coffee or grab a bite to eat.
That way, both of you can hang out and catch up.
If you want to learn how to bond with others, make sure you spend quality time with them.
In order to maintain your relationships, you have to get good at following up and adding value to your network.
6. You Don’t Open Up
Making small talk for introverts is a necessary skill to develop.
To build rapport quickly, you have to be able to exchange polite pleasantries with someone you just met.
But if you want more meaningful connections in your life, don’t just get stuck there.
If you’re wondering how to get better at conversation, you have to open up as well.
Check out this podcast interview with Connor Beaton, Founder of Man Talks, where he talks about how to be vulnerable in relationships.
Be willing to let people see the real you.
A good way to do this is to share a small secret about yourself.
Gauge the other person’s feedback and see if they reciprocate.
To be able to do this, you have to be really secure with who you are.
That’s why developing self-awareness is one of the best confidence-building exercises you can ever do.
Embrace your personality and own whatever it is that you’re into.
The more you know who you are and what’s important to you, the more comfortable you’ll feel in your own skin.
7. You Have A Busy Schedule
The older we get, the more responsibilities we have compared to when we were younger.
It’s easy to get caught up with work and paying bills.
But if you have no social life, then you have to evaluate how you’ve been spending your time.
Check out this video if you want to become socially confident in any gathering.
For example, you can’t expect yourself to meet new people when you’re at the office for 80 hours a week, right?
Unfortunately, that’s just not how things work.
You’re not going to be able to build any type of relationship if you always have a busy schedule.
If you want to know how to have a social life, you have to evaluate your priorities.
Remember, all the money in the world means nothing if you don’t have anybody to create memories with.
Again, take the time to identify what’s important to you and then act accordingly.
8. You’re Too Opinionated
If you want to learn how to be more likeable, you have to be empathetic.
Make an effort to see where other people are coming from.
Just because both of you have different perspectives on a particular topic doesn’t invalidate the other person.
The thing is, you don’t even need to agree with them.
So stop trying to change their mind and try to prove them wrong.
You just have to put yourself in their situation and see things from their point of view.
That’s why whatever you do, avoid getting into an argument with someone.
Stay away from sensitive topics like religion, politics, sex, and race.
Be light-hearted, respect your differences, and focus on finding commonalities instead.
That’s a more productive conversation to have than getting into a heated debate about something controversial.
9. You Offend People Unknowingly
You’ll have a hard time building rapport with others if you often have misunderstandings.
Remember, the meaning of any communication is the response that it gets.
That’s why it doesn’t matter how good your intentions are.
You need to be able to deliver your message in a way that others will receive effectively.
That being said, put yourself in other people’s situations.
Tired Of Feeling Lonely?
If you’re struggling socially and would like some help, let’s connect.
For example, just think of the conversation you’ll have with your friends on a night out.
Compare that with whatever you’ll share with your family over dinner.
The thing is, you might think something is hilarious.
But if you’re not catering your stories to your audience, you risk the chance of being offensive.
And that could make any interaction awkward really fast.
When you piss people off, you risk the chance of ruining your relationships with them and damaging your reputation as well.
When in doubt, take the time to observe the group that you’re a part of and the situation that you’re in.
Pay close attention to what everybody else is talking about.
The more you know your audience, the easier it’ll be for you to calibrate whatever you share.
10. You’re Boring To Be Around
I know it sounds obvious but if you want to become an interesting person, you need to do more interesting things.
Doing the same activities over and over again won’t give you a lot of topics that you can discuss with others.
Remember, a boring life leads to boring conversations.
That’s why you have to put in the effort to educate yourself and do novel activities on a regular basis.
Not only will this make your life more exciting, it’ll also give you more things to discuss with others.
You’ll be able to relate to a wider range of people and you’ll come across as a high-value person as well.
If you want to know how to be fun to be around, you need to do interesting things consistently.
Conclusion
If you’re wondering why you have difficulty maintaining friendships, I just shared with you my best tips.
Feel free to go through them again and implement them as much as you can.
And now, let’s turn it to you.
Which one of these tips are you going to implement first?
Are you going to ask for some feedback or are you going to practice reading social cues?
Send me a message on Instagram and let me know.