In order to bond with others, you need to know how to get past small talk.
And that’s exactly what we’re going to talk about today.
I’m about to share with you the exact same process that I’ve used to have more engaging interactions with anybody I talk to.
What You'll Learn In This Post
1. Ask Interesting Questions
Remember, the quality of your questions will determine the quality of your interactions.
If you’re wondering how want to get past small talk, you have to break the mold and think creatively.
The next time you talk to someone, make an effort to ask more interesting questions.
Check out this video if you want to be more talkative and not boring to talk to.
For example, instead of asking someone how they’re doing, you can ask them what’s been the most interesting part of their day.
Instead of asking what they do for work, ask them if they have a passion project that they’re working on.
Instead of asking what they do for fun, ask them what’s a skill that they’ve always wanted to develop.
Do you see how that works?
Most people typically don’t get asked these questions so it gets them really thinking.
On that note, make sure you have your own answers to these questions as well.
That way, you’ll be able to respond confidently during your interactions.
2. Remove Your Filter
The fear of being judged prevents most people from speaking up.
They’re so afraid of looking bad that they pressure themselves to say something clever all the time.
If you want to figure out how to get past small talk, you have to not care so much.
Believe it or not, most people don’t notice you as often as you think.
Not to mention, everyone’s so concerned about themselves anyway.
Even if you say something silly, others would’ve forgotten about you by the time they got home.
That’s why you need to stop overthinking social interactions.
Quiet your inner critic and always challenge your assumptions.
By doing so, you’ll realize that nothing is ever as bad as you may think.
You’ll learn how to relax around people and be able to show your true personality more.
3. Follow Your Curiosity
We all have an innate desire to feel important.
That’s why we’re interested in those who are interested in us.
If you want to know how to get past small talk, make sure you follow your curiosity.
The next time you’re chatting with someone, ask yourself what you can learn from this person.
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You’ll want to view yourself as a student.
Connect with that sense of curiosity and keep the conversation going from that place.
By doing so, you’ll be able to think of follow-up questions to ask and related stories to share much easier.
When you’re genuinely curious about people, you’ll build rapport with them very quickly.
You’ll make them feel special.
As a result, you’ll become more memorable to others and you’ll stand out in a good way.
4. Think Of What To Say
In order to prevent awkward silences during your interactions, you need to do some preparation.
This is especially true if you don’t have a lot of experience socializing with people in general.
If you’re wondering how to get past small talk, take the time to think of what you want to talk about.
The same topics tend to come up in conversation over and over again anyway.
Check out this video if you want to know how to become more talkative and less quiet.
That being said, I encourage you to think of interesting ways to discuss different areas of your life.
Prepare some stories regarding your work, your upbringing, places you’ve been to, events you’ve attended, and your interests.
The more you do, the easier it’ll be for you to figure out how to keep a conversation going.
Remember, it’s a lot easier to be present during your interactions when you know what to talk about and how to respond.
If you’re willing to, I highly recommend you record yourself telling your stories.
That way, you can observe your delivery and hear how you sound.
This will give you the necessary feedback if you want to learn how to improve your communication skills.
5. Avoid Asking Closed-Ended Questions
If your interactions in the past ever felt like an interview, then there’s a good chance you were asking closed-ended questions.
These are questions that can be answered with one word.
If you want to learn how to get past small talk, avoid doing this at all costs.
My advice is for you to ask more open-ended questions instead.
By doing so, you’ll prompt whoever you’re conversing with to share more.
They have to explain themselves which will give you lots of information to work with.
For example, instead of asking “Do you like reading books?” you can ask “What do you do for fun?”
Do you see the difference?
The first question can be answered with a yes or no.
The second one gives the other person the opportunity to talk about their hobbies in greater detail.
That could potentially trigger different topics that both of you can discuss.
This will help you figure out how to hold a conversation much easier.
The more information you have to work with, the less quiet moments you’re going to have during your interactions.
6. Work On Your Listening Skills
Most individuals who struggle socially tend to be too focused on what they’re going to say next.
They’re so in their heads that they’re not actually not paying attention to the person they’re speaking with.
Remember, there’s a reason why you have two ears and one mouth.
If you want to know how to never run out of things to say, you have to practice being a good listener as well.
Once you’ve taken the time to prepare your stories, you just have to let things go after that.
The next time you talk to someone, put your phone away and really try to see where they’re coming from.
Lean forward to show interest and nod in agreement to acknowledge what the other person is sharing.
When you do, you’ll improve your connection with everyone you interact with.
7. Share Details About Yourself
As mentioned before, don’t just give one-word answers when you talk to someone.
This makes it difficult for people to keep chatting with you because they don’t have a whole lot to work with.
For example, let’s say you’re a software engineer and someone asks you what you do for work.
Don’t just give them a short response.
Instead, make an effort to share more details about yourself.
Go deeper, talk about what made you get into your career and what you like about it.
Leave out technical jargons and emphasize how things make you feel instead.
Again, if you want to become easier to talk to, remember to volunteer information about yourself.
That way, whoever you’re speaking with will also have lots of opportunities to continue engaging with you.
Doing this might feel self-indulgent at first.
To overcome this limiting belief, trust that what you have to say is important and that people will want to hear you out.
8. Do Your Best To Relate
Remember, we like people who are similar to us.
Familiarity builds comfort very quickly so explore as many mutual interests as you can.
When the person you’re talking to shares something that they’re passionate about, do your best to relate.
You can either do it logically or emotionally.
If you know a lot about the topic that’s being discussed, then mention your personal experiences as well.
For example, let’s say you and the person you’re chatting with are both into fitness.
Then, by all means, keep talking about that.
Feel free to explore that subject even more.
But what if that isn’t the case?
What if the person you’re talking to said something that you’re not familiar with.
Let’s say they’re into photography you know nothing about it.
In that situation, try to relate emotionally.
All you have to do is to find out their motivation for why they do what they do.
You can ask “What got you into that?”
That question will encourage the person you’re speaking with to open up more.
And then, try to share something you did in the past that made you feel the same way as well.
If you’re not used to communicating in this manner, it will definitely require some practice.
Remind yourself to be patient and to just keep at it.
Once you figure this out, you’ll have no trouble finding commonalities with anybody you talk to.
9. Open Up More
The reality is we all relate to people’s struggles better.
For example, I have no idea what it’s like to own a Ferrari.
But I have first-hand experience making sacrifices to get something that I want.
If you want to know how to get past small talk, don’t be afraid to show some vulnerability.
Feel free to talk about mistakes you’ve made and struggles you’ve had in the past.
Embrace your imperfections and let others see the real you.
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To implement this, try sharing a small secret about yourself the next time you talk to someone.
Opening up first shows a lot of courage because you risk the chance of getting rejected.
That’s why you have to learn how to not take things personally.
By being vulnerable, create the space for the other person to open up as well.
As a result, you’ll have more meaningful conversations and connect with others much faster.
10. Learn New Things
If you want to figure out how to get past small talk, you need to know a little bit about a lot of things.
You can’t just go to work, go home and do nothing else.
If that’s your regular routine, then something needs to change.
Check out this podcast interview with Charlie Houpert, Co-Founder of Charisma On Command, where he talks about how to become a high-value person.
Doing the same things over and over again won’t give you a lot of things to discuss with others.
You can only talk about the same topics for so long until it gets repetitive.
I know it sounds obvious but if you want to know how to be interesting, you need to do more interesting things.
For example, you can take up a new hobby, listen to a different genre of music, or travel to a place that you haven’t been to yet.
I also recommend you pay attention to trending topics, popular shows, and current events.
As the saying goes, variety is the spice of life.
The more knowledge and experiences you acquire, the more you’ll have to talk about.
You’ll expand your perspective which will help you figure out how to relate to people much easier.
If you’re wondering how to be fun to be around, make an effort to always learn new things.
Not only will this make your life more exciting but you’ll also become a high-value person as well.
Conclusion
If you’re wondering how to get past small talk, I just shared with you my best tips.
Feel free to go through them again and implement them as much as you can.
And now, let’s turn it to you.
Which one of these tips are you going to implement first?
Are you going to ask more interesting questions or work on removing your filter?
Send me a message on Instagram and let me know.