If you currently have no social life, then you need to figure out how to start a conversation and make friends.
And that’s exactly what we’re going to talk about today.
I’m about to share with you the exact same advice that I teach to our clients in our social skills coaching program.
What You'll Learn In This Post
1. Stop Playing It Safe
Remember, everything you want is outside of your comfort zone.
Otherwise, you would already have it.
If you’re wondering how to start a conversation and make friends, you have to take more risks.
Imagine what kind of life you’re going to have if you keep playing it safe?
I can assure you that it’ll be lonely, boring, and unfulfilling.
To prevent that from happening to you, you have to get good at questioning your assumptions.
Don’t just believe everything that your mind tells you right away.
Ask yourself what’s the worst-case scenario that can really happen if you made a move and talked to someone?
And then do you what you can to prepare for that.
By being able to think more objectively, you’ll realize that failure isn’t as bad as you might’ve imagined.
Not to mention, every time you take action towards your social goals, the more courageous you’ll become.
You’ll prove to yourself that you’re someone who goes after what they want which will raise your self-esteem.
The more risk you take, the faster you’ll figure out how to be more socially confident as well.
2. Look More Approachable
The thing is, you can be really smart and interesting.
But if you don’t look like it, then who’s going to know?
Whether you like it or not, your appearance really does make a difference.
At the end of the day, we all make snap judgments about people right away based on what we see.
That’s why you have to take your presentation seriously.
From Shy To Social
Discover proven steps to approach and talk to anybody no matter how shy you are.
To help you get started, put some effort into the way you dress by wearing clothes that are clean and well-fitting.
Remember to groom yourself properly as well.
Also, whatever you do, avoid crossing your arms or legs.
Have an open body language by standing up straight and maintaining proper eye contact.
Keep your arms to your side and have a genuine smile on your face.
When you look like someone worth getting to know, people will assume positive things about you.
They’ll take what you have to say more seriously which will help you create more quality connections in any social situation.
3. Know What You Want To Talk About
If you’re like most of our clients in our social skills coaching program, you probably don’t have a lot of experience interacting with people.
You either work a technical job or you grew up in a very conservative environment.
If that’s the case, then take the time to come up with things that you can discuss with others.
If you think about it, most people usually talk about the same things over and over again anyway.
That being said, prepare some stories regarding your work, your upbringing, places you’ve been, events you’ve attended, and your interests.
I would also encourage you to familiarize yourself with trending topics, popular shows, and current events.
Once you have these stories written out, review them as much as you can.
When you do, you’ll learn how to relax around people because you know you have something to talk about.
4. Talk To People Who Seem More Open
If you’re socially inexperienced, it’s easy to be discouraged if you don’t see results right away.
That’s why you want to give yourself some quick wins.
You’ll want to minimize rejection and increase the probability that you’ll have good interactions with others.
Check out this podcast interview with AJ Harbinger, Co-Founder of The Art Of Charm, where he talks about how to mix with strangers at networking events.
The best way to do this is to approach people who seem warm and friendly.
On the other hand, those who are not interested in talking to others will look more closed off.
They’ll be facing each other, leaning forward, and will look really focused.
If you’re just starting out, stay away from those people for now.
Again, when you walk up to individuals who seem open, you’ll have a higher chance of having a great conversation.
The more you do this, the more positive reference experiences you’re going to have.
You’ll realize that you’re socially capable which will make this whole processes feel more doable.
This will give you a boost in motivation you’ll be a lot more likely to keep putting yourself out there.
5. Keep Your Opener Simple
Most people who struggle socially tend to overcomplicate things.
They will pace back and forth in their heads trying to come up with the perfect opener to say.
The funny thing is, by the time they’ve thought of something, it’s usually too late.
The opportunity to start a conversation with someone has passed.
They’re beating themselves up mentally for not taking action which lowers their self-confidence.
If this sounds like you, the best way to prevent this from happening in the future is to keep your openers simple.
Keep in mind that the whole point of an ice breaker is to literally just get the conversation started.
You don’t need to use anything fancy.
In fact, the simpler it is the better.
You can say something like “Hey I don’t think we’ve met yet,” and then introduce yourself.
It’s a very neutral opener and it’s easy to remember.
At the end of the day, the best ice breaker is the one that you’ll be comfortable using.
Feel free to use what I just shared or come up with something that works well for you.
6. Get Good At Making Small Talk
I know making small talk for introverts isn’t their favorite thing to do.
But, if you want to figure out how to have a social life, then this is also something you need to get good at.
If you think about it, it’s weird to ask someone you just met such a personal question, right?
In order for them to warm up to you, it’s important that you exchange some polite pleasantries first.
Check out this video if you want to become talkative and never run out of things to say.
To help you with this, pay attention to what’s happening around you.
Use your environment to help you come up with small talk topics that you can discuss.
You can either make a comment, ask a question or give someone a compliment.
The key here is to get out of your head and follow your curiosity.
Avoid filtering yourself and just say the first thing that comes to mind.
Personally, I’ve met lots of great people implementing this advice.
By doing so, you’ll learn how to always have something to talk about with anybody.
You’ll have less awkward silences during your interactions which will help you create deeper connections with anybody.
7. Develop Your Sense Of Humor
I don’t know about you but I can’t stand being around someone who’s so serious all the time.
If you want to know how to have a magnetic personality, you need to develop your sense of humor.
If you’re not a naturally funny person, just know that this is a skill that can be developed.
You just need the right information and enough practice.
To help you get started, I encourage you to start watching more comedy shows.
Make sure you pay attention to the material, timing, and delivery of the joke.
When something makes you laugh, ask yourself why and take the time to analyze it.
And then, do what you can to implement what you just learned during your next interaction.
Just make sure you don’t overdo this.
You don’t want to be that person who’s always trying to crack jokes and make people laugh.
It gets pretty annoying after a while and your efforts could backfire on you.
Nobody will take you seriously and you’ll come across as someone trying way too hard to be liked by others.
What you’ll want to do is to sprinkle just enough humor to spice up your conversations.
If you do it right, you’ll lighten up the mood in any interaction and people will feel good when they’re around you.
8. Explore Mutual Interests
As a social skills coach, I’ve worked with a lot of engineers, programmers, and developers in the past.
A common complaint that I hear from them is that they don’t know how to relate to people.
And because of that, they have a hard time building rapport with others and connecting with them.
If that sounds like you and you want to fix this issue, you have to get good at exploring mutual interests.
In order to win people over very quickly, try to look for things in common.
Remember, we like those who are similar to us.
That’s why you want to increase the feelings of sameness whenever you interact with someone.
You can do this by asking open-ended questions, listening well, and sharing related stories.
Also, avoid using technical terms that only your co-workers would comprehend.
That’s just going to confuse the person you’re talking to which can make the interaction feel awkward.
Remember, the best stories are always the ones that are easy to understand.
By learning how to express yourself verbally, you’ll create deeper connections with anybody you interact with.
9. Be Interested In Others
Most individuals who struggle socially tend to ruminate a lot.
They’re so in their heads that they’re actually not present during their interactions.
But if you’re wondering how to be more likeable, you need to shift your focus.
Take the attention away from yourself and give the person you’re with your undivided attention.
Tired Of Feeling Lonely?
If you’re struggling socially and would like some help, let’s connect.
Be present, put your phone away and really try to understand what they’re sharing with you.
When you do, you’ll improve your connection with anybody that you talk to.
When you’re in the moment, you’ll be able to come up with the right things to say a lot easier as well.
10. Keep In Touch With People
Rejection hurts because it triggers that same part of our brain when we experience physical pain.
From what I’ve noticed, those who struggle socially tend to be so passive.
They don’t take the initiative to reach out to others because they don’t want to get turned down.
But, if you want to create a quality social circle, you have to learn how to not take things personally.
Check out this video if you want to know how to have a social life and have more friends.
In this case, if you don’t hear back from people right away, don’t make it about you.
Remind yourself that you don’t really know what’s actually happening in their lives.
Avoid making any negative assumptions and do your best to see the best in others.
Speaking from experience, my friends always tell me that they appreciate it when they hear from me out of the blue.
It makes them feel special because they knew that I was thinking about them.
That’s why you have to put in the effort to reach out to people in your network on a consistent basis.
Take the initiative and be the first one to make plans with them as well.
The better you are at doing this, the more meaningful relationships you’re going to have in your life.
Conclusion
If you’re wondering how to start a conversation and make friends, I just shared with you my best tips.
Feel free to go through them again and implement them as much as you can.
And now, let’s turn it to you.
Which one of these tips are you going to implement first?
Are you going to try to look more approachable or put in the effort to keep in touch with people?
Send me a message on Instagram and let me know.