If you don’t have enough meaningful relationships in your life, then you need to learn how to stop being a loner and make friends.
Today, I want to share with you the exact same advice that I teach to our clients in our social skills coaching program.
What You'll Learn In This Post
1. Set Your Social Goals
You become the average of the people you spend the most time with.
It’s inevitable that their mindsets and behaviors will rub off on you.
That’s why you have to build your social circle intentionally.
Check out this video if you want to know how to have a social life and not feel so lonely.
If you’re wondering how to stop being a loner and make friends, set your social goals first.
Take the time to clarify what kind of people you want to have in your life.
The best way to do this is to figure out what really matters to you.
By identifying your core values, you’ll be able to make decisions more strategically.
That way, you can easily put yourself in situations where you’re a lot more likely to meet your kind of people.
As a result, you won’t waste your time, money, and energy socializing without anything to show for.
2. Fill In The Knowledge Gaps
Having no social life is a common problem that I see with a lot of our clients in our social skills coaching program.
From my experience, those who struggle socially simply lack awareness and experience around this topic.
If you think about it, you don’t really learn this stuff in school or at home, right?
That being said, if you want to know how to stop being a loner, you need to fill in the knowledge gaps.
Learning how to be social is a skill that can be developed.
It doesn’t matter how shy or introverted you think you are.
You can succeed socially with the right information, enough practice, and expert guidance.
From Shy To Social
Discover proven steps to approach and talk to anybody no matter how shy you are.
For now, you can start educating yourself by reading books, listening to podcast, and watching videos around this topic.
And then, try to implement the things that you’re learning as much as you can.
The more action you take, the faster you’ll learn how to interact with people.
But if you want to get results much faster, consider working with a social skills coach.
That way, there will be no more guesswork because you’ll have a proven plan to follow.
You’ll have someone give you feedback on how you’re doing and keep you accountable so that you don’t procrastinate.
You’ll get results much faster and finally feel in control of this part of your life.
3. Like Yourself First
It’s hard to put yourself out there if you don’t feel good about who you are.
If you want to figure out how to stop being a loner, you have to learn how to like yourself first.
Think about it.
How can you expect anybody to be drawn to you if you have low self-worth?
Remember, how you treat yourself will determine how others treat you as well.
That’s why you have to make an effort to think of what’s good about you.
In fact, focusing on your positive traits is one of the best confidence-building exercises you can ever do.
When you do this consistently, you’ll start to realize that you’re actually a pretty awesome person.
You’ll see yourself as someone worth getting to know and you’ll feel less intimidated interacting with others in any situation.
4. Challenge Your Assumptions
Most individuals who struggle socially have a bad habit of ruminating.
They often imagine the worst-case scenario which makes them feel anxious and nervous all the time.
In fact, this reminds me of a client that I’ve worked with before.
He literally thought that people were going to spit at him if he tried talking to them.
As crazy as it sounded, he believed that to be true.
That’s why he never went out and just isolated himself.
If you want to know how to stop being a loner and make friends, you have to get good at challenging your assumptions.
If not, then you’re going to miss out on a lot of opportunities to connect with people.
As a result, you’re going to live a life full of regrets.
That’s why you have to evaluate your disempowering thoughts to see if they’re true or not?
Don’t just believe everything that your mind tells you right away.
By doing so, you’ll prove to yourself that nothing really bad ever happens when you put yourself out there.
If you do this consistently, you’ll develop your courage and stop fear from controlling your life.
5. Reach Out To People You Already Know
If you’re wondering how to stop being a loner, hit up your existing connections.
For example, do you have old friends, former co-workers, or previous classmates that you used to hang out with?
If that’s the case, make an effort to reach out to people you already know.
All you have to do is to check in to see how they’re doing and schedule time to hang out with them.
As you can see, this whole process doesn’t have to be complicated.
You just need to plan for it and take the initiative to re-connect.
Keeping in touch with people you already know will give you some quick wins as well.
Since you already have some sort of rapport with them, you just need to rekindle that connection.
6. Socialize Intentionally
If you want to know how to be social as an introvert, you need to put yourself out there strategically.
Since you have limited energy to interact with others, you need to be more intentional with your approach to meeting people.
The best way to do this is to add a social component to your passions, hobbies, and interests.
Choose events and activities that you enjoy and that also have your type of crowd.
For example, if you want to meet creative people, go to a trendy coffee shop.
Sign up for a painting class if you want to connect with artistic individuals.
Join a fitness boot camp if you want to be around more people who are health-conscious.
Do you see how that works?
If you want to figure out how to make friends as an introvert, this is one of the best ways to do it.
7. Appear More Friendly
As the saying goes, you never get a second chance to make a great first impression.
We all make snap judgments about people right away based on what we see.
If you want to learn how to stop being a loner and make friends, you have to know how to be approachable.
If you rub people the wrong way, then they might get the wrong idea about you.
That’s why you have to pay attention to how you’re coming across.
In order to appear more friendly, remember to have an open body language.
Stand up straight, keep your chin up and avoid crossing your arms or legs.
Maintain proper eye contact and have a genuine smile on your face.
By doing these things, people are going to be inclined to interact with you.
8. Be Genuinely Interested In Others
The truth is, we’re all inherently selfish.
That’s why we like people who like us.
If you’re wondering how to stop being a loner, you have to be curious about others.
Check out this video if you want to know how to be charming if you have social anxiety.
The next time you interact with someone, give them your full and undivided attention.
Be present, actively listen and ask more open-ended questions.
By doing this, you’ll make anybody you talk to feel more seen, heard, and understood.
They’ll leave the interaction feeling good and they’ll look forward to seeing you again.
By being interested in others, they’ll be interested in you as well.
9. Keep An Open Mind
At the end of the day, figuring out how to build a social circle is still going to be a number’s game.
If you want to know how to stop being a loner, you have to go out and meet new people.
Whatever you do, fight the urge to do what’s comfortable and be willing to take more risks.
Tired Of Feeling Lonely?
If you’re struggling socially and would like some help, let’s connect.
As the saying goes, variety is the spice of life.
Keep an open mind and do things you normally wouldn’t.
You never know what types of adventures you could get yourself into.
Like I said earlier, always challenge your assumptions.
Ask yourself what’s the worst thing that can possibly happen?
In any case, you’ll always walk away with a new experience and an interesting story that you can share in your future conversations.
10. Make Socializing A Priority
The older we get, the more responsibilities we have.
That’s why it’s easy to fall into the trap of just going to work, going home, and watching Netflix on a regular basis.
The next thing you know, it’s been a while since you’ve gone out and socialize.
If you want to figure out how to stop being a loner, you have to make connecting with others a priority.
Being busy is not an excuse.
Check out this podcast interview with Johnny Dzubak, Charisma Coach from The Art of Charm, where he talks about how to build a friend group.
If creating more meaningful relationships is important to you, then you have to make time for it.
I suggest you schedule social events in advance and commit to going to them.
As mentioned before, avoid any activities that isolate you for too long.
For now, cut back on watching television and playing video games.
Stop making excuses and start taking responsibility for yourself.
If you want to experience greater joy and fulfillment in your life, you need to know how to bond and build deeper friendships with others.
11. Don’t Make Things About You
The fear of rejection prevents most people from putting themselves out there.
Getting turned down hurts because it triggers the same part of our brain when we experience physical pain.
But if you want to know how to stop being a loner, you have to learn how to not take anything personally.
The thing is, you just have no clue what people are going through when you interact with them.
Maybe their boss yelled at them at work.
Perhaps they failed an exam.
Or maybe, they’re just in a terrible mood that day.
You can’t know for sure so avoid making any assumptions.
My advice is to put all your focus and energy only on things that you can control.
In this case, it’s up to you to put yourself out there, reach out to people and make plans with them.
How they respond isn’t up to you.
That’s why you should never make things about yourself.
Instead, always see the best in others.
12. Be Patient With Yourself
Remember, everything worthwhile takes time.
If you’re wondering how to stop being a loner, you have to be patient.
Anticipate that you’re going to make mistakes and have a few embarrassing moments.
And you know what?
That’s totally okay.
Practice self-compassion and be more encouraging.
Remind yourself that you’re doing the best you could with what you know.
If you put in the reps and keep showing up, it’s inevitable that you’ll become more socially adept.
To help you stay motivated, focus on what you want and why you want it.
By connecting with the emotional reasons behind your goals, you’ll be a lot more likely to persevere and keep going especially during tough moments.
Remember, once you figure out how to put yourself out there, you never have to feel like you’re missing out on opportunities to connect with people ever again.
That’s why learning how to be more socially confident is one of the best things you can ever do.
Conclusion
If you’re wondering how to stop being a loner, I just shared with you my best tips.
Feel free to go through them again and implement them as much as you can.
And now, let’s turn it to you.
Which one of these tips are you going to implement first?
Are you going to socialize intentionally or are you going to work on appearing more friendly?
Send me a message on Instagram and let me know.