Are you tired of feeling lonely and having no social life?
If so, then you need to figure out your reasons for avoiding people and what to do about them.
I’m about to share with you the exact same advice that I teach to our clients in our social skills coaching program.
What You'll Learn In This Post
1. You Overthink Social Situations
Remember, your brain can’t tell the difference between perception and reality.
From what I’ve noticed, those who struggle socially tend to exaggerate the worst-case scenario in their heads.
They focus on it so much that it cripples them from taking action.
In fact, this reminds me of a client that I had before.
Because he was socially inept, he experienced a lot of rejection in the past.
As a result, he started to assume that people were going to spit at him if he tried talking to them.
As crazy as it sounded, he was convinced that it was true.
That belief prevented him from socializing with others for years until we started working together.
Imagine all the opportunities he already missed out on because he didn’t know how to change his mindset?
That’s why you have to get good at challenging your assumptions.
The reality is, most people don’t really notice you all that much.
Think about it.
Unless it was recent or something really bad happened, you probably don’t remember embarrassing things that others did right?
Keep this in mind and you’ll figure out how to be less self-conscious.
You’ll learn how to relax around people and act more like yourself in any social situation.
2. You Have Low Self-Esteem
Whatever you feel others feel as well.
That’s why if you want others to be drawn to you, you have to be able to feel good on your own first.
If you assume people won’t like you, then you’ll act in ways to sabotage your relationships.
That’s why you have to learn how to like yourself and raise your self-esteem.
One of the best confidence-building exercises that I know is to focus on your positive traits.
Stop beating yourself up mentally and make an effort to think of what’s good about you.
By doing so, you’ll realize that you’re actually a pretty awesome person.
You have a lot to offer in any relationship and you’re someone worth getting to know.
You’ll also come across as more charismatic to others because you’re able to validate yourself.
The better you feel about who you are, the more you’ll put yourself out there.
3. You’re Introverted
Figuring out how to meet like-minded friends can be challenging especially if prefer your own company.
Not to mention, if you identify as an introvert, then you have limited energy to socialize.
But if you want to learn how to be more outgoing, you have to limit activities that isolate you for too long.
Check out this video if you want to have a social life when you have no friends.
Remember, everything you want is outside of your comfort zone.
Otherwise, you would already have it.
My recommendation is for you to add a social component to things that you already like to do.
For example, instead of reading a book at home, go to a trendy coffee shop.
Sign up for a group fitness class instead of exercising by yourself.
Join a co-working space so you can meet other professionals who also do their job remotely.
Do you see how that works?
As you can see, learning how to make friends as an introvert doesn’t have to be difficult.
You just need to think creatively and be intentional about it.
Remember, small actions that are taken repeatedly add up to something big eventually.
When you meet people while doing something that you enjoy, you’ll find the right relationships for you much faster.
4. Unable To Relate To People
Keep in mind that familiarity builds comfort very quickly.
That’s why we are drawn to those who are similar to us.
If you’re wondering how to attract people in your life, you have to get good at making them feel understood.
The better you are at doing this, the more likeable you’ll come across.
From Shy To Social
Discover proven steps to approach and talk to anybody no matter how shy you are.
If you want to learn how to relate to people, explore mutual interests as much as you can.
The next time you talk to someone, try to point out things that both of you have in common.
On the other hand, if an unfamiliar topic comes up, then try to relate emotionally.
Feel free to ask them their motivation for doing what they do, what they like about it, and how it makes them feel.
And then, think of an experience that made you feel the exact same way in the past.
The better you are at doing this, the faster you’ll figure out how to keep a conversation going with anybody.
You’ll avoid awkward silences in your interactions and people will enjoy your company more.
5. You’re In A Funk
Look, it’s totally normal to have bad days.
Sometimes things just don’t go our way.
But in order to build rapport with others, you have to be able to manage your emotions.
Being in a sour mood not only affects how you feel but also the people around you.
Personally, I can’t stand being around someone who complains a lot and is always negative.
I know people like that and I do my best to avoid them at all costs.
If you want to know how to get out of a funk and get motivated, I recommend you adopt a gratitude practice.
Shift your focus and look for things to be thankful for.
By doing so, you’ll realize that your life is never as bad as you make it out to be.
If you take an objective look at your situation, you’ll notice that there are a lot of good things that are going well for you.
The more you focus on all the good things that are happening in your life, the more of it you’re going to get.
The better you feel, the more likely you are to put yourself out there and interact with people.
6. You’ve Outgrown Your Friends
Remember, people change and that’s okay.
That’s you have to consistently evaluate your relationships.
I know for me, I see less of my friends who now have kids, bought a house in the suburbs, and are very focused on their careers.
Our lives have taken on different paths and we no longer have as many shared interests as we used to have.
Check out this podcast interview with Johnny Dzubak, Charisma Coach from The Art of Charm, where he talks about how to build a friend group.
Again, there’s nothing wrong with that since everybody wants different things.
That’s why you have to put in the effort to go out and meet new people consistently.
At the end of the day, creating an active social circle is still going to be a number’s game.
The more you put yourself out there, the more you’ll find people that you’re excited to spend time with.
7. You Take Things Personally
Let me ask you a question.
Do you like every person you meet and talk to?
You don’t, right?
What makes you think everyone will like you as well?
Whenever you get rejected, especially by someone you barely know, remind yourself that it’s not about you.
They’re turning down your approach, not you as a person.
Their reaction is just a manifestation of how they’re feeling at that moment.
It’s not a personal attack on your character so keep that in mind for next time.
I know for me, I’m generally a very outgoing person.
But if I’m feeling off, then I’m not in a very social mood.
That’s why you have to learn how to not take things personally.
You just have no idea what’s going on in people’s lives.
Not to mention, you can’t really avoid getting rejected.
It’s inevitable so instead of avoiding it, you should embrace it.
The more risks you’re willing to take, the more successful you’re going to be socially.
8 You Lack The Motivation To Go Out
It’s hard to feel motivated to do something that you’re not good at.
If you’re socially inept, then you probably have a difficult time expressing yourself and connecting with others.
But in order to become socially savvy, you need to put your reps in and get experience talking to people.
Now the question is, how do you do that when you don’t feel like going out?
Check out this video if you want to become outgoing if you have social anxiety.
The thing with motivation is that it’s inconsistent.
Sometimes you have it but oftentimes, you don’t.
That’s why you can’t rely on it if you want to get predictable results.
My advice is for you to figure out to interact with people one skill at a time.
That way, you don’t feel overwhelmed which makes this whole process more manageable.
For example, just try to get out of the house, make eye contact, and smile at strangers.
Once you’re comfortable doing that, then practice making small talk.
After that, you can figure out how to keep a conversation going and improve your sense of humor.
Do you see how that works?
Remember, there’s nothing more motivating than seeing progress.
That’s why you should lower the bar when you’re just starting out.
That way, you’ll get some quick wins and build momentum in the right direction.
9 You Have A Fixed Mindset
Growing up in a traditional Asian family, I was led to believe that if I went to school, got good grades got a good job, then I’ll be successful.
Later on, I learned that advice is only half true.
To live a more fulfilling life, having technical skills isn’t enough.
You need to be able to build rapport with others well.
If you’re a shy introvert, you too can figure out how to be more outgoing.
To succeed socially, the first thing you need to do is to change the way you think first.
Tired Of Feeling Lonely?
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In this case, those with a growth mindset believe that abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work.
On the other hand, those with a fixed mindset assume that putting effort into something is a sign that they’re not meant to do it.
That being said, which mindset do you think you have?
If you want to learn how to be more socially confident, avoid having a fixed mindset at all costs.
Make a conscious effort to choose a growth mindset instead.
When you do, you’ll be a lot more willing to work hard.
You’ll see failure as a temporary setback and you’ll persevere during difficult moments.
With the right mindset and enough effort, anybody can become socially savvy.
10. You Put People On A Pedestal
Back in high school, I remember being so infatuated with one of the girls in my class.
In my head, I thought she was perfect and that she was so much better than me.
That’s why I felt uncomfortable being around her.
I was so afraid to mess things up and I didn’t want to say or do the wrong things.
And because I avoided her, she had no idea that I even existed.
Needless to say, my feelings toward her were never reciprocated.
If you can relate to that, I want to remind you that nobody is perfect.
That’s why you shouldn’t put anybody on a pedestal.
Whether it’s in your personal, romantic, or professional life, whoever you admire is just a human being.
They have flaws and insecurities just like you.
By keeping this perspective in mind, you’ll figure out how to relax around people.
You’ll feel less intimidated by them and you’ll act like yourself more.
Conclusion
If you’re wondering why you keep avoiding people, I just shared with you my best tips.
Feel free to go through them again and implement them as much as you can.
And now, let’s turn it to you.
Which one of these tips are you going to implement first?
Are you going to stop overthinking social situations or are you going to raise your self-esteem?
Send me a message on Instagram and let me know.